Cancer log 77: Felt…

Cancer log 77: Felt moderately sick off and on all day yesterday -- it was weird; I'd be fine for an hour, then sick for an hour, roughly like that most of the day. Sometimes it was just weird chills; sometimes my heart raced when I did something simple like climbing a flight of stairs (normally I run up and down them all day, no problem). I sent a note to the clinical trials nurse, and, perhaps predictably, they're now making me go in on Friday to get checked out by a cardiologist just in case, even though they say it's probably nothing. There is some mild correlation between the infusion drugs and heart stuff. Sigh.

I tried to get what I needed to get done in the good hours (I even walked two blocks to a home goods store, bought some acrylic organizers, and organized the medicine cabinet that had turned into total chaos and which was stressing me out), and the rest of the time, I lay on the couch, watching Elementary and reading / posting to Facebook. You may have noticed the latter.

Hoping today will be better -- yesterday was discouraging. I had a moment last night when I was thinking that if I'm going to be mostly sick for the next seven months of treatment, I wasn't sure I could do it. Of course, I don't actually have much choice in the matter -- I could stop treatment, but that's a fool's game. And honestly, the sick is still pretty mild; I was just being whiny. Kevin reminded me that I got through nine months of pregnancy, twice, which is true, but somehow not heartening because that came with a cute baby at the end of it, and no one is going to hand me a cute baby in December. Well, except I'll hopefully get to go see my sister's twin babies at Christmas, so that's something to look forward to.

Last night was also the first time I seriously thought about setting up one of those help-sick-people sites. We're not there quite yet; even though Kevin was feeling off yesterday too, we still managed to get the kids and ourselves well fed, and we should be able to do that most of the time. If we're having a bad night, we can order restaurant delivery, but we can't actually afford to do that daily for seven months. Also, restaurant food tends to be too rich to eat that regularly; it's not good for us or the kids. But we do have a chest freezer in the basement, and maybe in a month or so, I might be putting out a call for some kid-friendly frozen casseroles, plus a fruit delivery or two. I'm still hoping it won't come to that, though.

I slept well, though (for a change), and woke up actually feeling good. That exercise I managed two days ago -- a little treadmill, a little lifting -- I can feel it in my body, that it feels better than it did on Sunday. It's this weird balancing act right now -- when I feel good, trying to exercise and eat healthily and generally get my body to as good and strong a place as possible, to counteract the hours when all I can do is lie on the couch. But at the same time, to not overdo it! I'm still not sure if that isn't what made yesterday so yucky, off and on, overdoing the exercise on Monday night. Or if that would've happened regardless.

I just don't know, which is frustrating. Today, I'm mostly going to try to do mild walking when I can, and organizing stuff around the house. Stay mildly active but not push it. Although I really would like to lift a little bit. We'll see.

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