"...they basically told me I probably shouldn't be submitting novels to
them....but that was because they thought I might be better off submitting
to mainstream markets. In the discussion we all realized that yes indeed,
I do appear to have literary pretensions." (7/15/97)
"It's an interesting question -- what to do with my life right now. They
said that I was at a crux, and could choose to shoot for the fantasy
market squarely (and risk getting stuck in it) (but probably make a decent
living there), or aim for the wider 'real' market (and risk disappearing
entirely). My momma always told me to aim high, and I got to admit that
the idea of 'settling' for just the fantasy audience (much as I love
them), when I could potentially have a much broader audience to preach
at, sticks in my throat."
"I described my novel to them as sort of a mix of Jane Yolen tale-telling,
Guy Gavriel Kay scene-setting, and Amy Tan cultural/personal issues. They
liked that. I liked that. I think it could be a damn good novel - lush and
rich and deep. I don't know for sure that I have it in me right now to
write that, but I think what I decided today is that I'm going to try. Do
my plotting. Do my social/historical research. Brace for some more failed
attempts. And brace for possible rejection -- or even worse, indifference.
I must admit, I'd rather a glorious failure than a mediocre pass."
But hell. I have to try.
Image NotebookSometimes I feel overexposed. The light of the world is shining too brightly on me, and I just want to go hide, to huddle in a corner and whimper, "turn off the lights, please!" Mostly I stand up to it. Mostly I can cope. But sometimes I do go find my corner, I do pull back from the scary bright light, I do say -- "not yet. maybe not ever." Sometimes, the world wants too much from me, and I must believe that it's okay to not quite be able to live up to the world's needs, and expectations, to hide from that bright and shining light. But what I do not know, is what to do, when the light that is hurting me is inside my own head. I do not know where I can escape to.