We did eventually make it out the door, and up to the Oakland hills, where Kira's dad lives in a beautiful (huge) new house with lovely views of the Bay. Ah, if only I'd had money to buy property in Oakland ten years ago...
(Miriam takes a few of her clothes out of her room and brings them to us in the living room, strewing them over the couch.)By the end, we couldn't help laughing at poor Kira, who kept valiantly attempting to fight a rearguard action, in the face of obvious defeat. It wasn't her fault; she was crushed by overwhelming forces.Kira: Miriam, don't you want to put those clothes back in your room?
Miriam: No!(Miram goes away, and comes back with more clothes, which are piled on the carpet in front of us.
Kira: Miriam, can you keep the clothes on the couch, please?
Miram: No!(Miriam goes away, and comes back with all the rest of her clothes, which she then deliberately spreads out, item by item, to cover as much of the available carpet and floor space as possible.
Kira: Miriam, let's play with your clothes on this part of the carpet, okay?
Miriam: No!
I shouldn't mock. In just a few short years, that'll be me...
A friend (I forget who) introduced me to a useful paradigm a couple years back: when you’re presenting kids with a choice, make it a choice between two outcomes that you want to happen; don’t give them the option of choosing what you don’t want them to do.
Like: “Would you like to brush your teeth before or after your bedtime story?” rather than “Would you like to brush your teeth?” Or maybe: “Would you like me to help you clean that up or would you rather do it on your own?” (These may not be the best possible examples–just off the top of my head.)
I imagine this doesn’t help a lot during a kid’s “say NO to everything!” phase. And it can be hard to come up with two good choices on the spur of the moment. Still, I thought it was a useful idea.
I, too, am a practitioner of the “Used Car Salesman Theory of Parenting” which Jed refers to, and it does work to some extent, but it’s not like the kids don’t see through it. 🙂
It works, however, if a) at least one of the options are actually intrinsically interesting, or b) the kids sense they’re going to lose this one and appreciate a face-saving solution…