So Kavi seemed fine for…

So Kavi seemed fine for the rest of the day yesterday, and from what everyone says, leftover fluid in the ear from her cold still seems the most likely culprit for the balance thing. So we're going to keep watching her, but that's reassuring.

In other news, I had a huge meltdown Sunday night about how fat I'm getting. I know, I know, I'm pregnant, not fat. Kevin told me that several times. But I'm at that stage of pregnancy where I'm not obviously and clearly pregnant yet, especially if I'm not wearing an empire-waist top. I don't look pregnant most of the time. But my jeans don't fit when they're right out of the wash -- I can't even get them zipped up, not at all -- and my shirts and sweaters gape 'cause my breasts are bigger. And speaking of breasts, my modest little DD's are now apparently J's (!!!), according to the lady in the fancy bra shop, and all my old bras clearly don't fit, but my new bras which ought to fit are already (a month after buying them) tight in the band, so I need to take them in to get them adjusted (the only good thing about $100 bras is the lifetime warranty). Big pain. Plus, I carefully saved most of my maternity clothes from last time, only to find that since I started out twenty pounds heavier than last time (thanks, Miss Kavya!), most of them don't actually fit this time around. All of which is incredibly disheartening.

Also, my damn face is constantly breaking out in pimples all through this pregnancy -- I don't remember that happening last time, or at least not to this extent, and I didn't get pimples as a teen, and I have no idea what to do about them aside from washing my face frequently, which doesn't seem to be helping. I have like six pimples on my face at the moment, including three on my damn nose, and I do not feel pretty!!! I have a dermatologist appt. tomorrow, because I also have these weird patches of dry skin on my face since getting pregnant, which are itchy and annoying, and maybe he will be helpful. But I am also happy to hear any other pimple advice.

In any case, total meltdown on Sunday -- describing my sobbing as 'hysterical' would not be too extreme. Poor Kevin. I'm mostly feeling better now; it helped that yesterday I took an hour to stop by Vive Le Femme, a plus-size store down the block, and found three cute tops, two of which I can actually teach in and look nice, and one of which is just super-comfy (which becomes a priority during pregnancy). It felt a bit weird going into a plus-size store, since I was a size 12 pre-pregnancy, which in theory means I should be able to shop in regular stores. But my breasts apparently disagree with that assessment. We have very cute boutique-y maternity stores (which I can't really afford, but that's a separate issue) in my neighborhood, but it's totally disheartening trying to shop there, as almost nothing fits. What I guess I'd really like is a plus-size maternity store, but I don't know of any in Chicago. I guess there must be some online, but that sounds like a lot of effort.

It doesn't help that we're driving to CT on Thursday and will see all the relatives at my cousin's first communion party. Kavi has an adorable dress (yellow and pink with a green ribbon, very spring) and will look fabulous. But the aunties will all be looking at me, trying to see if I actually look pregnant yet, and I would like to look similarly fabulous, but I'm not seeing it happening. Sigh.

Ah well. I'll go and get the new bras adjusted, and wear my cute new tops, and maybe stop by Target for some cheap maternity clothes, and get my eyebrows done and my hair styled, so at least I feel vaguely groomed for the party. That should help me get through the next few weeks, at least. Maybe in another month, I'll be clearly and obviously pregnant when I look in the mirror, and I won't be quite so prone to freaking out at how fat I've apparently gotten.

I spent a while this morning reading a fascinating summary of the Minnesota Starvation Study, which found that putting forty healthy and fit men on serious calorie restriction made them crazy. I'm not calorie restricting at all, of course (every doctor I know + internet says never diet while pregnant). Trying to eat lots of fruits and vegetables and good proteins and the like, but as much of them as my body wants. So it's not hunger making me crazy. Apparently, I can manage to be crazy about my weight even while eating in a way that I know is healthy and appropriate. Sigh.

At least I finally feel well enough (almost at four months in now) that I have a bit of energy for exercising -- I started doing yoga again yesterday, in a very mild way. Maybe that will help too.

7 thoughts on “So Kavi seemed fine for…”

  1. Hope things turn out well with Kavi. And I know that “I’m too fat” feeling and it does suck. My understanding is that if you’re already overweight, you’re expected to maintain that weight over pregnancy, not gain.

    I hate the way the Minnesota study gets used. I’m reminded of the “lies, damn lies, and statistics” quote: it’s amazing to me what people will take data and transform it to their own conclusions, like the blog entry you linked to. Not all calorie restriction is the same, and I doubt most war-torn countries are getting adequate protein. Current diet wisdom suggests 1g/lb of bodyweight when you’re restricting calories and not pregnant. I find it unnatural to eat that much – my body doesn’t ask for it certainly – but easy to adjust to once I have my stock in place.

  2. What doctors actually recommend for women who are already obese pre-pregnancy is that you gain 15-25 pounds. Much of that is baby + placenta + etc., not fat. If you didn’t gain that, you’d be effectively dieting, and starving yourself of nutrients. The baby will take what it needs, regardless, but it’ll do that by sucking calcium, etc. out of your organs and bones.

  3. Oh, and re Junk Food Science — I agree, they clearly have an agenda. Would have preferred a less-biased summary of the study, myself. But what I found most interesting was the physical and psychological results they reported the men experiencing; they were so similar to the way I felt when I was eating 1000 calories/day. (Weighing around 140 at the time, I think.)

    I was totally obsessed with food, had a tremendously hard time thinking about anything else, was distracted from school work, felt generally weak. I was also broken-hearted at the time, so in a sense, it was sort of a relief to obsess about food instead of just missing Kevin constantly. But it definitely doesn’t seem like a sane mindset in retrospect.

  4. Okay, this chart says to gain a max of 15, with no min if you’re starting off obese.
    http://www.babyyourbaby.org/duringpregnancy/weightgain.htm I thought that the whole reason women are fatter than men was to support the baby during pregnancy? Lose the fat, eat the extra nutrients, feed the baby what it needs.

    It’s certainly an interesting study, and it points to a number of results, like realizing what kind of dieting is “not a sane mindset”. On the other hand, just about any major change in life is going to have a break-in period. If you have never dieted and don’t know what 1000 calories looks like, it can take a certain obsessiveness to figure it out. I think this is part of the benefit of Body for Life and other “just eat this” plans – no huge learning curve. Obviously there are a lot of people who go on fasts without the obsessiveness, so there’s more going on than calorie restriction.

    The other question is – when you’re not dieting, how much time do you spend thinking about food? I think it’s often more than we realize, which leads to the problem with “just eat this” diets: there’s no room for creativity, to plan a fancy meal just for fun.

  5. Oh, sweetie! I remember a lot of that feeling. What I did, honestly, was just stick my belly out, sway my back a bit, and emphasize “pregnancy” with the way I moved, even before I was that big. At least, that’s what I did when I was feeling fat, and it helped make me feel pregnant and “glowing” instead.

    The pimple thing: I DID have pimples as a teenager, and I’ll tell you that over-washing will dry out your face, making your skin produce more oil, which will in turn produce more pimples. I’d make sure you were exfoliating at least once a week (possibly more), but using a gentle cleanser (not soap!) twice a day, followed by gentle toner and a very light moisturizer. Yep, even with the pimples, you need to moisturize. Then, if you still want to use something on the pimples themselves, try dabbing a product with some tea tree oil on it.

    I have been using stuff from the Body Shop for years — you can pick and choose the line you need and then have a choice of cleansers and moisturizers within that line. They’re not too pricey, but it seems a step above the drugstore. Also, at least in San Francisco, the charming gay clerks made me feel like a queen every time I walked in there when I was pregnant (and a few times when I wasn’t). A definite pick-me-up while shopping for beauty products!

    One final bit of advice: try the Gap and Old Navy online for plus-size maternity clothes. That’s where I got most of mine (Target’s good too, but only in-store; hate their website). Those two often have good sales, too. And, if you want something a bit pricier, try Lane Bryant maternity online. They have cute stuff, but beware that sometimes they make tops entirely out of polyester (HOT!) and I never once got their maternity pants to fit (other than yoga pants, which is what I finally just lived in). Also, you can return stuff you bought online in-store at the Gap and Old Navy, but you have to ship it back to Lane Bryant.

    Oh, and my doctor said the same as yours, Mary Anne. They’re ok with you losing weight in the first trimester if you’re overweight/ sick, so I suppose if that happens you might end up not gaining anything over what you started with, but yeah, 15 – 25 lbs is what she suggested I gain 🙂

    Last, but certainly not least, I’m glad Kavi is feeling better!

  6. The Mayo Clinic and at least three doctors I know and respect say gaining less than 15 lbs during pregnancy is dangerous for the baby’s health. I’m going to go with their expert judgement, thanks.

  7. It’s an awkward stage, that’s for sure. Hang in there. If you wear an obvious maternity top, you will probably look pregnant, and feel prettier. Sounds like you have eczema on your face–a little cortisone cream will fix it right up.

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