Feeling oddly sad this…

Feeling oddly sad this morning. Stressed and fretful, for no good reason that I can pin down. I slept badly; woke up with nightmares in the middle of the night and then only dozed after that. That's probably part of it.

The book's gone -- off in Bob's hands and I can't do anything more about it. That's probably part of it too. I feel like I still have umpteen kazillion little projects left, hanging in various stages of completion. That's driving me a little crazy. I can finish a few of them off today, but others are just getting started. That's just the way my life works, and usually I find it satisfying and energizing, but today, today it just seems exhausting. Makes me want to curl up and watch tv until my eyeballs dissolve.

I also have this weird sense that most of my journal readers have wandered away in the last few months. I feel like I'm talking to ghosts. Maybe it's that I've been so focused on the book, and I haven't been very entertaining. Or maybe it's just my skewed perception, and you're really all still here? Are you here?

If you are, it'd be nice to hear a hello. Nothing complex or fancy -- just hello. If you don't like posting comments, you can always send me e-mail instead.

I did forget to note one bit of good news -- I didn't gain any weight while in California for ten days! Didn't lose any either, but I wasn't expecting that -- I was expecting what happens every time I go out of town, especially to California (or Connecticut), that I gain 3-5 pounds. And I only got to the gym twice in that time, and I didn't actually count calories much (though I tried to be a little careful about how much I was eating). So I'm quite pleased to have held steady. New goal -- lose 3-5 more pounds by WisCon, purely for the motivational effect of hearing people I haven't seen in a year ask if I've lost some weight. Although probably no one will actually notice... other people seem far less obsessed about my weight than I am. :-/ I suppose that's a good thing.

15 thoughts on “Feeling oddly sad this…”

  1. Still here, still full of devotion and starry eyed adulation, and you’re right, I don’t much care if you’ve lost weight or not except as it affects your happinesss and general well being. 😉

    Frankly, you’re hella hot no matter what you do, so, you know. Carry on. As you were. Or are.

    Or something like that.

    I read every day, several times a day to catch up with the new additions. Always enjoy.

    Thrilled about the book, just *thrilled*. The cover art you posted is unbelievably gorgeous.

    So… hello, good morning, kiss. Here.


  2. Still here! Big congrats on getting the book off to the agent! I think it’s natural to feel a little lost after finishing up a project of that magnitude. I’m sure you’ll feel better soon.

    Looking forward to seeing you at WisCon, too!

  3. psst – still here. hello. How’s your wee iBook holding up?
    Am very much looking forward to your extended visit. 8)

  4. David Bellamy

    I always have a letdown, which can be severe, after getting a big project finished. The bigger and more important the project, the bigger the letdown. I have always thought of it as a kind of subclinical bipolar disorder and have suspected that anyone doing creative work has it. So, hang in there. You are on track, we all love and adore you, and things will get better soon.

  5. Hey, everyone. 🙂 Aw, see, you cheer me up already. Hello, Shelly, David, Wendy, Meriko, and adorable Kate.

    Meriko, the iBook is mostly holding up, but Word does keep crashing occasionally. No longer when I use Find, though, so that’s a help. Haven’t yet gotten to try the various fixes people recommended.

    David, I think I’m too cheerful generally to have any kind of bipolar disorder; that sounds too serious for a very occasional blue day. 🙂 But you’re undoubtedly right about a bit of a crash after finishing the big project…

    Wendy, sorry to miss you this Bay Area trip; definitely WisCon and maybe we’ll get to hang out properly this summer…

    Kate, you’re a wicked tease. Smooches right back at ya!

  6. Hi Mary Anne – I’m a new reader. I found your site in my referral logs, though I can’t figure out why. I’m here now anyway! Nice to meet you.

  7. Hi:

    Still listening quietly (mostly) like I have been since about 1996. Folks like me aren’t like ghosts. . . more like friendly neighborhood cats that hang around because you keep putting out that bowl of cream every day or two.


  8. Hi, still lurking, like from the beginning of this journal.

    Enjoying your successes from Mississauga.

    Well Done!

  9. Mary Anne,

    I’m still here too, still awestruck by the amount you manage to accomplish. I can never understand why you aren’t more egotistical (what with all of the evidence of your splendidness floaiting around), but you do manage to keep on a (mostly) even keel. Be happy, be proud of your accomplishments, and know that you are King still.

    Yr. Obdnt. Srvnt. James of Tallahassee

  10. Hi!

    My personal experience is that my traveling weight changes nearly randomly: Sometimes it goes up, and sometimes to goes down — I once lost five pounds (out of over 200, so this is less of a substantial change for me than it would be for you) while out of town for a week, probably due to skipping breakfasts (because it wasn’t convenient to eat breakfast). Also, when I’m traveling on vacation, I’m less likely to be stressed, and I snack (on unhealthy things) when I’m stressed.

    Anyway, I for one am still reading. Hi!

  11. Hi Brianna — welcome! Always nice to see new folks here…

    And Sean, E. David, Simon, even nicer to see old folks still hanging around…though of course I’m not implying that *you’re* old… 🙂

    Josh, I always gain weight while travelling, so you should consider yourself lucky. I think the only exception was one trip to India where I got sick due to not being careful with the water…

    Peg, I adore my little poem. Thank you!

    And Jim, you give me too much credit. I am astoundingly arrogant, I really am. I think I’m pretty darn special. My only saving grace is that I also tend to believe that everyone else I meet is pretty darn special too. We’re all special! Childhood Catholic school training apparently took. 🙂

    Steve, see upcoming journal entry. It just arrived! So excited!!!!!

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