Oh, munchkins. Feeling…

Oh, munchkins. Feeling discouraged this morning. It's snowing outside, and I felt pretty sick last night with weirdo stomach cramps, and for some unknown reason my workout was much harder than normal, even though I didn't go any longer. I don't want to go to the gym today. Kevin thinks I have a cold coming on; I was coughing a fair bit last night too. It wouldn't be so unreasonable to stay home and just do some sit-ups. But I'm scared of getting off the routine. If I don't go today, will I skip tomorrow too?

And then I have the second half of Malory to read, and I ought to be reading at least a book a day if I want to finish in time for my exams, and this is taking two days, which is worrisome. I keep telling myself that it's just the medieval and renaissance and enlightenment stuff that's so damn long, these huge books, and soon I'll hit some poetry, and then some lovely modern books, and it'll all be better; I'll be able to knock off multiple books in a day, so I shouldn't freak out if I occasionally take two days to finish a book now. But I still have about twenty critical titles waiting, so I'm inclined to freak out. I'm trying to keep that tamped down, because freaking out isn't going to help at all. Just putting my head down and plowing through is all I can do at this point. Doing the work is the only way to relieve anxiety about doing the work.

And then there's a mass of bills to pay and finances to sort out, stuff that got neglected last month with all the travelling. That I should just do and be done with -- it's the sort of thing that makes me very stressed to think about even if I don't actually have any good reason to be stressed. I'm just in an anxious, freaking-out sort of mood this morning, I think. I hope Kevin wakes up soon. He's calming.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *