I haven’t posted in…

I haven't posted in three days because I haven't done anything in three days except play computer games (specifically, Baldur's Gate, which I am fighting the urge to return to right now).

I suppose I've been in a mild funk. I have lots of little projects in sort of semi-completed stages, and I need to actually complete them. Some of that is waiting on other people (and Blowfish submitters, I'm sorry -- Christophe hasn't gotten back to me, and I can't make final decisions without talking to him). I do little bits of work, a half-hour or an hour or so, and then I lose focus and motivation. I can't really blame the game, either -- the game is just a way of making it easier not to notice that I'm not working. There's plenty of wandering around the apartment time, just plain avoiding work.

If I can blame anything, I blame the lack of food. Travelling in Europe this summer was not good for my body; I gained about ten pounds. Ick. So about three weeks ago, I started making a determined effort to lose that weight, eating around a thousand calories a day, which is maybe five hundred less than I normally should be eating. Cutting out a third of my caloric intake has been effective -- I've lost nine of those ten pounds so far -- but it's also distracting. I'm vaguely hungry a lot of the time, which I swear, is making it harder to think. I've been eating more the past few days because I've started going to the gym again (if I spend half an hour on the elliptical machine, that's three hundred calories, or an entire six-inch Subway sandwich :-) (if you pick the right sandwich). So maybe I'll be able to focus again soon. Hope so.

I'm going to try and force some of that today, I think. Leave the computer game disk at home and go out, someplace reasonably far. I need some supplies from the Indian grocery store to test a few last recipes for the cookbook (and oh, it is absolutely no fun trying to write a cookbook while dieting), so I think I'll drive up to Devon, get what I need, and then drive someplace else and work in a cafe. This does of course run the risk of tempting me to eat more than I ought. It's incredibly difficult to count calories when eating out, since most places add butter to just about everything. And I don't like salads much, especially when they're not slathered in ranch dressing. So this could be tricky. But I suspect if I don't get out of here, I'll a) go mad, and b) miss all my deadlines.

What I must get done soon:

a) finish my academic job portfolio (CV and research statement done; still need to do teaching philosophy and cover letter and select writing sample) and apply for jobs

b) finish selections for Blowfish anthology and notify authors

c) send Rachel photos of my mother for the cookbook illustrations (actually, that one I plan to do this morning)

d) send cookbook drafts to David and Jed for proofing and design check, respectively

e) check with Steve on the SH book

f) work on collaboration with Jed (deadline approaching)

What I ought to get done soon:

a) edit the Blowfish anthology selections

b) send out some stuff for the foundation

c) revise for submission: Lakshmi's Diary, The Princess in the Forest, Sister Mary, The Emigrant, Acts of Faith

d) write: Raksha's Story, Ashok's Story, Vincent's Story, Challah

4 thoughts on “I haven’t posted in…”

  1. Well one thing that I have found that helps when I am watching calories but also want to eat is to find foods that are plentiful/slow to eat, but also low in calories.

    For example – popcorn – especially if very light in butter is a great snack – low calories, but you can snack on it for quite a long time.

    Trader Joes has a number of fairly low calorie but tasty food items – low fat pretzels, great biscotti, dried fruits (though not quite as low in calories perhaps).

    I’ve been eating a lot of salads lately – as long as I’m careful about the dressing (light on the olive oil) and watch what else I add, I can make a very filling and tasty but low calorie dish quite quickly (been making a salad of mixed greens, a sweet pepper, some onion, a few jalapeno stuffed olives and two Amy’s Chicken Apple and Guada sausages in a balasamic mustard vinaigrette. Very tasty and even with the sausages (which are only 220 calories for the pair) pretty low calorie.

  2. I’m not actually a snacker, and I don’t think I want to get into the habit now. I’m trying to just eat small, well-balanced meals. Mostly rice, meat curry, and a vegetable, in teeny-tiny portions. 🙂 Salad is just a no-go for me — the only way I like salad is with lots of rich dressing, or alternatively, with lots of fruit and cheese and nuts. Good for getting some raw greens, but no good for dieting. 🙂

    I think the key to this whole diet thing is to figure out what kind of menu you can personally cope with. If I tried to diet the way lots of people do, I’d go nuts — instead of just feeling physically hungry, I’d be feeling psychically hungry too. If I don’t eat some bread or rice or other starch, I don’t feel like I’ve eaten a meal, no matter how many greens plus protein I pile onto the plate. Weird, but true. I’m cranky enough as it is right now — better not to make it worse, I think. 🙂 Kevin’s being very patient with me.

  3. If I cut too many calories, my brain seems to shut down. I had a bad month last May, and forgot to eat at all most days, so I was surviving on just my snacking, which is more than a snack should be, but less than three meals. And I literally couldn’t concentrate on *anything*–I wrote maybe 100 words all month, and couldn’t even concentrate on reading romance novels. When I got to june and realised that I hadn’t been eating anything in a month and started eating again, things suddenly made so much more sense, and I could think and read and a fog literally lifted off my mind. 🙂 Granted, it was probably much more extreme than your experience, but i think when I change eating patterns, a large portion of the brain gets reassigned to thinking about food, which makes thinking about anything else a lot harder. 🙂

  4. You write beautifully. I am a writer too. Factual news. (ugh) You just seem to be on target when you write. And I agree 100% with your views on sex. How many nice things did the creator give us? some time soon (days) I’ll send a longer letter about my true adventuressuch as the time when 5 lesbians taughtme how to eat pussy. I still do. I’m male. Love lesbian stories. Why? Dunno. Tell me please. Keep writing. We need you. Bob

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