Day After

I have mostly been holding it together today except when people ask, “How are you?”

What made me feel better today — going to the gym and working out, even though I didn’t want to and had to drag myself out of bed. Taking photos of flowers. Going to the monthly garden club meeting and listening to a woman (somewhat tearfully) talk about painting exuberant sunflowers in memory of her mother. Exchanging a few frustrated, sympathetic words with kindred spirits. Writing a new scene in a story I haven’t looked at for a while, and discovering I still like it. Helping to fine-tune the call for submissions for an upcoming anthology I’m co-editing centering on diverse voices. Baking crescent rolls with sliced apple and cheddar. Helping Kavya through a tricky bit of math homework. Exchanging video game tips with Anand.

Building my life again.

Things that made me feel worse today — I don’t have the energy to go through the whole list, but Facebook was unfortunately a lot of it. I used the unfriend / block option more heavily than I usually do.
But perhaps the saddest bit was Kavya asking me what the ‘n-word’ was. It was a black friend who brought it up with her but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this was in her young friend’s mind today.

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