Cancer log 60: Waiting…

Cancer log 60: Waiting edition. So, I'm in this weird rest period. Last week Tuesday I had the biopsy for the clinical trial -- we should hear back in two weeks, so by next week Wednesday or thereabouts. They took the time last week to do my EKG and echo to check on my heart function (I haven't heard anything, so I assume my heart isn't about to conk out, so that's good), and I had minor surgery to insert my port.

I had a bad reaction to the adhesive on the tape they used to hold the dressing on post-surgery -- my whole chest and neck basically got horribly red and itchy; it was quite maddening. I even started to blister under the bandages. But I peeled them all off, judiciously applied air, water, and Vaeline (my doctor friend recommended against anything else, like cortisone cream), and it did clear up after a few days.

So now I'm just waiting. It's been a good time to concentrate on eating well and exercising; I've already lost two of the five stress-pounds from last month. (My theory is that when you put on weight, it's easier to lose it again if you make the attempt quickly, that your body somehow transforms the fat into hang-onto-this-like-death fat after a while. I have no scientific evidence for this theory; purely anecdotal.)

I feel fine, people tell me, surprised, that I look great, and then I explain that I haven't actually started chemo yet, and they say, "oh." Yes, oh. That's where we are right now -- waiting with some attempt at patience for the chemo to start. And in the meantime, I grade a slew of papers, and get my garden into early spring shape, and cook and decorate for tomorrow's Easter brunch and egg hunt. Life goes on. I admit to having a moment or two when I thought, "What if this is the last big party I have the energy to throw?" But then I smack myself upside the head, and remind myself that even if that's the case *for a while*, it won't be true forever.

Still, let's aim for a blowout tomorrow, shall we? And then we wait, hopefully no later than the end of next week, for the chemo to start. It is driving me more than a little nuts, not knowing how I'm going to react to the chemo. I'm not worried at all about my hair falling out -- it'll grow back, and I'm kind of looking forward to the whole experience in a weird way. I almost shaved my head once years ago, when I had decided to go grey, and I was cutting out the colored hair, but I chickened out at the last minute and just cropped it to close curls instead. So chemo hair loss should be fine. But I want to know just how tired I'll be, just how queasy, whether my fingers and toes will go numb and tingly, etc. and so on out of the long list of possible side effects. And right now, there's nothing to do but wait.

And cook. :-)

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