In one sense, there was…

In one sense, there was nothing terribly wrong about yesterday. I got a little bit of art done while watching Anand in the early morning, I chatted with Jed, I cooked a proper Sri Lankan dinner (chicken curry, mixed veg, uppuma), and I even managed a quick half-hour revision to a short story. But Kevin had a blinding headache, so I lost my afternoon free time, and Anand was fussy and wouldn't nap unless I carried him the whole time, and we had a house showing, so that added a mandatory hour of cleaning. (It's sort of nice, having the house this clean all the time, but it would also be nice to not have a showing every other day. More showings are still better than them actually selling the house, of course.)

Anyway, somehow the gist of the day was that I never got a free hour to go and rummage in the basement for my paints, or a free hour to run out to the store for some canvas and gel pens. And lord knows, it's not urgent -- the art show is at WisCon, so end of May. I have plenty of time before I need to have some pieces ready. But it's just insanely frustrating, having these ideas jammed in your head, and then a day so tight and the children so needy that you can't get away for an hour to set a few of them free. Do you get that, when you have a creative impulse and no way to release it? Does it make you crazy? (Also, my back and neck hurt from all the carrying.)

Kevin did eventually start feeling better, so by evening, I was able to cook and eat dinner, have half a hard cider, and lie in bed and read a book for an hour. But I was just too exhausted by then to do anything else. I had to fight to stay awake 'til 8, and maybe I should have just gone to bed at 7, but that somehow feels too ridiculous.

We just have to make it through to the end of the semester. No teaching this summer, and by then, Anand really ought to be sleeping close to through the night, if we're lucky. Grades are due May 7th. We can hang on 'til then. Sorry for all the whining, but in an infinitesimal way, it does make me feel better to make you share in my misery. :-/

5 thoughts on “In one sense, there was…”

  1. I do feel your frustration. With my husband deployed and no one else to help with the baby, it was driving me crazy not to be able to write or blog or even read. I hired a part-time babysitter 2 weeks ago and it has changed my entire attitude. It’s only 20 hours a week, but just knowing that I have that time has eased the frustration. It also helps tremendously that Patrick has started sleeping through the night (10 to 5, plus a long nap after his first feed). From what I’ve read, I’m lucky in that respect since he’s only 2 and 1/2 months old.

  2. Mary Anne Mohanraj

    I am so jealous of Patrick’s sleep. But I think even with part-time childcare, having your husband away is still harder than what I’m dealing with — poor you!

  3. Thank you for the sympathy. Those first few weeks alone were brutal, but it started getting a little easier after week 6 when the worst of the fussiness let up. He’s been sleeping a bit longer each week– though the daytime naps are getting shorter. (I was only able to breastfeed for a few weeks and I think formula helps them sleep longer?)

    Do you follow a routine with Anand? I read all of the books– BabyWise, Baby Whisperer, Happiest Baby on the Block. I like the Baby Whisperer best, but I’ve applied some of the techniques of the other books. The 5 S’s of Happiest Baby on the Block really made a difference in getting him to go down at night. Patrick is an easy baby (so I’ve been told–I had no experience with babies before this) and I’m very grateful for that. I still have days when I think I’m going to lose my mind, though. 😉

    Hang in there. I know you’re not accomplishing everything you would like to in a given day, but I admire you for being able to do all that you’re still doing with a baby and a toddler.

  4. > It’s sort of nice, having the house this clean all the time

    This was my favorite thing about selling my place in Pasadena when I moved to Boston a few years ago: I really like the clutter free life, but I don’t have the discipline to live it just for my own satisfaction. When I absolutely 100% had to or I wasn’t going to sell my condo, it was a lot easier to say “you know, I’m going to spend those three minutes right now to clean up the breakfast dishes, because I can’t leave the house with dishes in the sink, because my realtor might call while I’m at work and say that someone wants to see the place this afternoon”. Tough at times, and I don’t know if the novelty would’ve worn off after more than a few weeks, but it was kind of neat to do once anyway. :^)

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