Bitch Ph.D. takes up the NY Times Belkin piece -- On Not Quite Halving It All. Good piece, good comments so far.
1 thought on “Bitch Ph.D. takes up the…”
Deb Kurnik
Hi, again, Mary Anne. I find the article and all of the commentary so fascinating … and I identify with it, of course. A couple of things come to mind that have not yet been mentioned.
1) In many ways, this is a conundrum of privilege. Privilege to have someone with whom to share parenting; privilege to flex work schedules; privilege to have time to even worry about it. I have all of these privileges and still struggle. I am in awe of others without these privileges who manage to raise confident, healthy, happy children.
2) Work travel added to the mix – My partner and I both work full-time. He travels a good amount – about 2x/mo usually 2-3 nights away from home, sometimes as many as 5 or 6 nights. I have specifically arranged my work so that I don’t travel. So, while we strive for shared parenting and household duties, that all goes out the window when Daddy is away, and I am solely responsible for the day-to-day. Anything unessential does not get done during those times. Little 3 yo girl is always on best behavior when she has just me.
I admire you for putting together the chore list. The thought of doing that just exhausts me!
I am hopeful that some of this struggle with partnership/household equality will improve with successive generations. My daughter will certainly have the expectation that any future mate should contribute his/her share based on her parents’ example.
BTW – as a 3 yo girl very much into choosing her own attire, she often goes out in public with Daddy in mix-match clothing. She has learned the word “ragamuffin” from me and knows that she can be one with Daddy if she wants to!
Hi, again, Mary Anne. I find the article and all of the commentary so fascinating … and I identify with it, of course. A couple of things come to mind that have not yet been mentioned.
1) In many ways, this is a conundrum of privilege. Privilege to have someone with whom to share parenting; privilege to flex work schedules; privilege to have time to even worry about it. I have all of these privileges and still struggle. I am in awe of others without these privileges who manage to raise confident, healthy, happy children.
2) Work travel added to the mix – My partner and I both work full-time. He travels a good amount – about 2x/mo usually 2-3 nights away from home, sometimes as many as 5 or 6 nights. I have specifically arranged my work so that I don’t travel. So, while we strive for shared parenting and household duties, that all goes out the window when Daddy is away, and I am solely responsible for the day-to-day. Anything unessential does not get done during those times. Little 3 yo girl is always on best behavior when she has just me.
I admire you for putting together the chore list. The thought of doing that just exhausts me!
I am hopeful that some of this struggle with partnership/household equality will improve with successive generations. My daughter will certainly have the expectation that any future mate should contribute his/her share based on her parents’ example.
BTW – as a 3 yo girl very much into choosing her own attire, she often goes out in public with Daddy in mix-match clothing. She has learned the word “ragamuffin” from me and knows that she can be one with Daddy if she wants to!