faq draft - question 6
6. Do you plan to have children?Not at the present time, but you never know, do you? I do like kids quite a lot, and I am told that I am the favorite 'aunt' of more than one. I suspect that's because I slip them subversive books at Christmas and birthdays.
Maybe this is a hot button of mine, MA, but I can’t believe you’re answering this question. The stuff about sex and relationships pertains directly to your work. The stuff about having children seems like it’s awfully personal.
I probably am reacting this way because people keep bugging me to have kids approximately tomorrow, but I just wouldn’t answer this one at all.
I do think it’s a rude question in a social context, which is where I get it most often, but I’m not sure I see how it’s any more personal in an interview context than questions about who I have sex with. These days, I probably write at least as much about parents and children as I do about sex. And it is relevant to the political aspects of sexuality and queerness/polyamory, I think.
I wasn’t planning on elaborating further on the kids question, but it seemed like it was easier to just answer the question than refuse to answer and make it seem like a bigger deal.
Hm. Maybe I should learn how to not answer questions? 🙂 Because people do keep asking me this one.
It’s easier in person, I think, because a smile can make it clear that you’re not upset with someone if you simply say, “Oh, I’m afraid I’m not going to answer that.” Or even, “I’m afraid that’s none of your business,” or “I’m afraid that’s between or among my partners and me.” A smile makes that much easier to deal with as a friendly comment.
In writing, maybe, “Hey, even sex writers have private lives!” might convey the same thing — not necessarily with this question, but with any question you think is too personal.