You know I'm hypothyroid, right? It means that my thyroid gland doesn't produce enough thyroid hormone, which regulates how fast the body runs, basically. When I don't have enough thyroid hormone in my system, I get cold, very tired, slightly depressed, and gain weight. The opposite condition is hyperthyroidism -- if you have too much thyroid hormone, you tend to lose weight (sounds good, huh?) but also tend to be too warm and feel anxious. This never sounded all that bad too me -- what's a little anxiety? So when I accidentally took the wrong dosage of thyroid hormone the other day (200 mcg instead of 150 mcg), I didn't really worry about it. Heh. A *little* anxiety.
I went to bed like a good girl last night, and then spent the next several hours waking up periodically in a sheer panic, convinced that something was terribly wrong. After doing this several times, my heart going thumpity-thump like a bunny rabbit, my body wanting to crawl under my coffee table for no good reason, Kevin convinced me to try a small glass of Bailey's, to see if the alcohol depressed my system at all. It seemed to work -- I only had one more panic attack, and then managed to sleep through the night. But lord -- I don't recommend it. It was like living inside a horror movie, in those worst moments when you're about ready to jump out of your chair. And even though I *knew* nothing was wrong, my body didn't care. It was terrified, and it was damn well going to let me know it.
Anxiety sounds like such an innocuous little word...I guess depression does too, though, and I understand it can be just as debilitating, in its own way.
I appear to be back to normal now, and am going to take the *correct* dosage today, and send the others back!
Despite all this, the last two days have been generally good. Kevin and I made up over our upset with each other (v. good), which cleared the decks for talking about what we really wanted to talk about, which turned out to be the possibility of getting back together. And my moving to Chicago, moving in with him. In about a month and a half, when I'm done with my coursework here. This would, obviously, be huge, and I admit that a little bit of last night's anxiety might be attached to making such a big change in my life, rather than just the medicine thing. If I let myself feel it, I get very excited, very happy. It would be really easy to get carried away on the tide of emotion. Instead, I'm trying to be calm, think it through, be really sure what I want to do before deciding. Calmness and rationality are not always my strong points, though...