I didn’t go drinking…

I didn't go drinking last night; I couldn't concentrate on the reading at all, so rather than bring my colleagues down, I came home instead. I found phone messages from Jed and David and Kevin (the last totally unrelated to all this), which started cheering me up. And then long conversations with first Jed and then Kevin finished the cheer-up process. What a mess, but I honestly don't know how I would have done anything differently, so there it goes. Perhaps this was all inevitable. Sorry to be so obscure, but I'm with Tim on the dragon's teeth issue. (If that was even more obscure, then you should go look up 'dragon's teeth'. Jeez, what are they teaching kids in school these days? :-)

Jed and I were talking about whether to mention such things (the kind you don't want to be explicit about) in journals at all. I don't think he needs to talk about them in his journal, which is very different in style, but in mine...my journal's supposd to be a record of my life, y'know? For you, but also for me. If I look back at this in fifty years, I want to be reminded of the low points as well as everything else. It wouldn't feel right to leave anything important out completely. So I put in placeholders -- vaguenesses, or poetry, or even an occasional code phrase. (I.e., "watched some baseball" could mean "had great, world-shattering sex" -- it doesn't, but it could. :-) There's not a lot of that kind of thing, but some. Hopefully it doesn't annoy you guys too much.

Despite all of yesterday's stress, I really did enjoy working on my story yesterday; hopefully, I'll enjoy today too. Part of the fun yesterday was the music -- I now have 33 CD's on my computer (everything except the musicals, the classical, and the Christmas stuff), and I set them to shuffle. It was so cool having no idea what'd come up next -- I can't even remember the names of that many CD's, much less what songs are on them. It made it even easier to disassociate from the music, in an odd way -- when I'm playing a CD in order that I know, part of my brain is anticipating the next song, keeping track of the order. My brain was foiled in its attempts to to do that yesterday. Cool.

I'm having a bit of a hard time settling down to actually working; I slept 'til 9, about two hours later than I have been. Probably good for me, but it's thrown me off. I simultaneously don't feel ready to work, and feel like I've lost two hours already, eep! I think I'll do some mindless things, like cleaning the bathroom, or sorting the papers on my desk, until I'm ready to actually put on the headphones and start revising. Or I may read -- started Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles yesterday, which Kevin recommended (though I was already planning on reading it) -- fascinating. I suspect if you like Jonathan Carroll, you may like this. Though I'm not sure yet...

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