I’m in Seattle now,…

I'm in Seattle now, settling down a bit from this whirlwind tour of mine. It feels rather whirlwind, though I haven't actually been travelling all that fast. By the end of WesterCon I was feeling utterly exhausted, collapsing into bed at night. Some of it was being "on" for the convention, but I think some of it was just being on the road for this long. I've never travelled for more than a few weeks before. It's almost two months now since I left Salt Lake, and I'm starting to feel it.

I arrived at Kirsten's last night, and am pretty settled in now. She's away on business until Friday, and while I'm looking forward to seeing her, I'm surprisingly relieved to be alone for a few days. In Salt Lake, I had gotten used to going days without seeing anyone; it allowed a certain pacing to my days that let me be very productive. Since leaving, I've had to adjust my schedule around other people, and while it's been very pleasant seeing them, for the most part, I don't think I'd realized how much I'd grown accustomed to having some solitude. Being alone with my thoughts.

That can be not so good too, of course. Some of my thoughts are pretty down these days, and I find myself distracting myself with work and books and people during the days, only to actually confront them when going to bed, or waking up. I'm feeling my way through this separation, this ending or changing or whatever it ends up being. I'm still awfully confused. Mostly, I'm just doing what feels right, hoping it'll all make some sense in the end. Trying not to let this drag down the entire summer. Appreciating the good things that come along. So far, it's mostly working okay.

Anyway, I should get back to work. Lots to get done before she arrives. I'll be going with Bob Kruger (one of my Clarion classmates, now publisher of Electric Story) to talk to the Clarion students at the end of the week. That should be fun. I'm taking Kirstie to the Clarion party that night; hopefully I'll remember the names of any Seattle sf people I met at WesterCon. It's all rather a blur at the moment, I'm afraid.

New issue of Strange Horizons up, btw. I'd be particularly interested in hearing what y'all think of the serialization of stories. It's the only way we can afford to run longer pieces -- is it okay? Does it drive you nuts? Should we just stick to short pieces? Inquiring minds want to know...

10:20. Mmm...a quick note before going to bed. Was quite productive today, despite the fact that I've also read two books (finishing off Mary Gentle's Ash: A Secret History (you were right, Wendy -- I couldn't put it down, and was very glad I had the whole set of books)) and spent three hours on the phone with Karina. Was so good to talk to her. Hadn't had a chance to talk all this Kevin stuff over with her, and there are some things that only she really understands, because she dated us. I wish she were here. Australia is just too damn far away. If she were in the States, I'd be tempted to cancel the rest of my summer plans and just go to her. We broke up years ago, and for a while, I was worried that the friendship wouldn't survive the break-up. But we got over the hump, and have been very good for a long time now. I guess I'll be crossing my fingers that things end up similarly with Kevin. It's hard to think forward to that time, though, to imagine things so different from how they are now.

Wait and see.

Patience is not my strong point.

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