I feel like a…

I feel like a zombie.

Stayed up talking to Kevin for a while last night. I didn't check the time when we went to sleep, and he said that it wasn't too late, but it was at least an hour later than I meant to go to sleep. And since I a) woke up earlier than my alarm and b) exercised yesterday for the first time since, like, October, I'm feeling pretty wiped.

It was also an emotional conversation. On the one hand, we finally both had enough time that I could dump all of my accumulated stresses and frustrations on him. That was good, in that I'm not carrying them all inside anymore. (I talk to other friends, of course, but there's still some things that I can only say to him. It's the many years thing, I think.) I feel relieved of at least some of them now. On the other hand -- it meant I had to go through all of that, which was stressful to think about and made me weepy and now my eyes are puffy and sore and it's a good thing I don't have to teach this morning, 'cause I'm not sure I could face all those chipper faces this morning. And my back is sore. And it's raining. And I'm hungry ('cause I got into some bad eating habits while travelling that I'm trying to get rid of). Did I mention that it's raining? I used to like rain. And I ran out of my thyroid medicine a week ago, and more is on its way but I don't have it right now, so I'm really cold all the time. I'm bundled up like a Canadian. It's spring -- it's ridiculous.

On the plus side, he'll be here earlier than expected, from the 8th to the 13th. That's really good. And, very sweetly, he pointed out that if I wanted to, I could get on a plane tonight or tomorrow, and come out there for a few days. Apparently the fares aren't insane right now. It feels too extravagant to me, since he'll be out here soon, but he doesn't tend to think in those terms -- if I'm stressed and need comfort now, then now is the time to visit, not at carefully spaced out and budgeted for intervals. :-) I think I'll be okay, though -- some rest and recuperation this weekend, a good curry, friends over for potluck brunch on Sunday, cleaning up my apartment -- those will all help. My dishes haven't been done in three weeks; I'm afraid to go into my kitchen. I suspect I'll feel a lot better when that's taken care of, which won't happen if I go bouncing off to Chicago. And I have people coming Sunday.

But it's nice to have the option.

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