Roshani’s…

Roshani's birthday

Look, I'm posting!

I didn't think I'd have telnet access from Lisette's...but then I thought, "why not?" I know how to download things. And lo and behold, I fiddled a little this morning and here I am. Didja miss me?

Karen has told me that my journal lately has been pleasant but dull. Okay, that's not exactly what she said, but it's the general gist. She's far too tactful to actually tell me I'm being boring. Well, not in so many words, anyway.

Anyway. I do agree with her...it's partly because my life is so interesting, I'm afraid. That doesn't seem fair to you -- if my life is super-interesting, then my journal should be too. But instead, my journal gets very brief and quiet.

Things on my mind these days:

  • Aqua Erotica -- this one's causing a fair bit of anxiety. I'm glad I did Maiden Voyage; even if it was pulled, I learned a lot in the process about how to put together an anthology, and I feel like I know what I'm doing this time. But I have a really tight deadline (the call ends November 15th, and I'm supposed to get a final manuscript to them by December 10th) and there's suddenly been a lot more pressure from the head honchos to get at least one big name for the anthology. I mean really big. I thought it was enough that I got Nicola Griffith and Mary Maxwell and Lawrence Schimel to write me stories (all names in different ways), but they were thinking like Anne Rice or Nicholson Baker or Dorothy Allison. Meep! So I'm trying desperately to find contact info for bestselling authors who might possibly be willing to write a little erotica piece for me (or have one lying around) -- anyone know how to reach Stephen King? They're not going to shoot me if I can't (esp. given the tight deadline), but it'll make a big difference to book promotion, to how much the publisher spends on the advertising budget, and THAT makes a big difference to how many copies sell. They're doing a large print run (well, large by my standards, anyway, in fact, huge by my standards) and I'd really like to at least sell most of them. Ideally, of course, it's a runaway bestseller and we sell them all and go laughing back to the printer to do a second, much larger, print run. (I can dream, no?)

  • Me. My...my inner workings, I suppose? All of this stress with Kevin has made me realize (okay, he said it first, but several people confirmed it and I must admit it's true) that I just am not very introspective. Which would be okay if I were a totally happy and fulfilled person, but what I've been realizing lately is that while I love very much of what I do, there are some buried parts of my psyche that could really use some attention. I'm a little afraid to poke at it, though. I'm afraid that if I take off the lid (sorry for the wildly mixed metaphors), enough stuff will come jumping out that it'll distract me from my work...and I have SO much work to do. I really overcommitted this time around, and so the tempation is to just keep the lid on until Christmas, at least. But Kev isn't teaching next semester, so I don't know how much he'll be around, and I'd really feel much better about letting some stuff out if he were around to keep it all from flying away. Hmm. I suppose I could just go talk to a counselor of some kind (Lisette's suggestion), but it doesn't feel quite serious enough to justify that. On the other hand, I came really pretty close to breaking down at the end of my time at Mills, and there have been some sort of ragged times since...well. I'm still thinking about it. Sorry that all this is vague -- it's nothing particularly nasty, just hard to put into words. And some of it (like resentment and frustration with my parents) doesn't really need to be explored in a public journal. It wouldn't be fair to them. I'll tell you what I feel I can.

  • Teaching -- there was somewhat of a teaching crisis last week, actually...or at least a grading crisis. I had students coming in and crying in my office and I really don't think anyone should cry over a freshman composition class. So I spent a lot of time talking to Paul and Susan (colleagues) and decided to ease up a little on the grades (my class average was about a D+, so maybe I was being a bit harsh), and the students seem less terrified now. So that's good. I want them worried and working hard, but not actually freaking out, 'cause that's usually counterproductive. I've started grading their biotech papers...I'm think I'm going to comment more on these, which will take longer, but there's isn't as much of a time crunch for getting them back, so it should be okay.
Well, that's probably enough listing for now. Lisette should be getting up soon, and I promised I'd go work out with her and her trainer (meep!) Yesterday was a really good day; I worked during the day while she ran around, then we lounged for a bit in late afternoon and watched some Pride and Prejudice, duly taking costume notes (Susan is going to wear the dark green chiffon dress I made last year and be Marianne Dashwood (from Sense and Sensibility, one of my absolute favorite stories/movies)). Long gloves (they all wore white, but maybe we can get away with black), small jewelry (perhaps the fake pearls?), hair pulled up in back with ringlets curling around the face and down the back and more pearls and ribbons in the hair, and perhaps add a small tassel or two to the cap sleeves. I've got a long white silk shift myself, and am going to be either Andromeda on the rocks (broken gold chains on my wrists and gold cords wrapped around my body) or Lady Macbeth (hands stained with blood, wild hair, a dagger). Halloween is such fun!

Okay, that was a tangent I hadn't planned. Eventually last night I got to see Lisette act in a production of William Gibson's Burning Chrome, which I enjoyed. I always love watching her act. I had no idea she was so buff, though (she wears very tight black spandex bits for the play, and her stomach is totally flat and hard -- very impressive). After the play, we talked 'til 2 or so. Men and emotions. I've missed her!

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