I was sort of stressed all day today. I think it’s mostly the theocracy post from this morning — I’ve been wanting to write it for weeks, but it took a while for my thoughts to percolate sufficiently, and then once I posted it, I had to fight through some anxiety about whether I’d said anything terrible (in various ways).
Mostly got past that after a couple of hours, but felt kind of …mentally exhausted… afterwards? I couldn’t settle down to any computer work, although I am painfully behind on several urgent e-mails. Just had a complete failure to cope.
(I was going to say failure of willpower, but therapist stopped me last time I used that phrase, but then we got sidetracked, and now I don’t really know what phrase she’d want me to use instead, I suppose I should ask her how she’d recommend framing this kind of thing.)
Instead, I spent most of the day alternately re-reading Bujold’s Penric novellas (I read the first few long enough ago that I’d mostly forgotten them, so that was a treat) and straightening up.
Kev and the kids did their best to keep things reasonably in order while I was traveling, but I was a little frantic with three separate trips, and things tended to get into chaotic piles when I was about to leave town, and then I came back for a few days, which was really just long enough to make BIGGER chaotic piles, and then I came back again, sick and exhausted from international travel, and the piles got rather ENORMOUS and MULTIPLIED.
So, I’ve been taking them down the last week, and I won’t say I’m completely done, but I’ve made so much progress. I have about thirty minutes of laundry to put away, and I’ll be completely unpacked from all the travel and done with all my regular laundry too. The first floor is almost completely clean, except for the charging drawer that Kevin got halfway through sorting — I’ll probably finish that tomorrow. I’ve finally gotten all the Christmas bedding and dishes put away. ‘Cause, y’know, it’s APRIL.
Anand helped me for a few hours, and Kavi and a friend got put to work for a few hours too, and Kev and Jed both worked on laundry and bedding… It’s all coming along, and the garden too — I didn’t manage to start any seeds this weekend, but soon, I hope. Mostly, it’s just a relief, having things clean and organized again. I can’t THINK when it’s messy around me — my ADHD is just constantly triggered, and any attempt to focus dissolves into chaotic attention ping-ing about.
Tonight, it was quiet enough that I could cook again, with pleasure. Nothing fancy — pancakes for brunch, and pasta with a meat sauce and sautéed garlic green beans for dinner (Kavi and a friend prepped the green beans and minced garlic for me). I cut up a lot of fruit to help fuel the kids too — I think the count ended up at five mangoes, five kiwis, and two pears.
I even started a batch of curry powder in my nice, clean kitchen. I’d run out of curry powder for myself (which I basically NEVER do, so that tells you how far behind I am at the moment…), and I have a cookbook order that includes some curry powder, to get out the door in the next day or two. (Probably Tuesday, as I also need to make fresh batches of passionfruit marshmallows and cashew milk toffee for it.)
This is fennel seed, before and after toasting. This is probably my favorite spice to toast — that sweet licorice scent is just luscious right out of the jar, and then it develops these wonderful complex notes as it toasts…
I hope to be able to answer e-mail / PMs tomorrow or the next day. If you’re waiting on something from me, thanks for your patience. I’m doing my best.
