Especially as my actual position is deeply divided and confused. I can't see a clear way through on this one; all the options seem wrong and hurtful, in one way or another. I feel tremendously sorry for everyone directly caught up in this tangle.
For the most part, I'm in agreement with Catherynne M. Valente's well-written and well-considered post. If I don't have time to do a proper response, hers can stand for mine for now.