What can I do to shape myself the kind
Of man you want, the kind for whom you’d stay?
Shall I turn sullen, brooding, darkly fey —
The type that had you left would have pined
Away to nothingness? You might then find
You liked me somewhat brighter. Speak, love, say
Whom you desire. I could be shining, gay
With dazzling wit — wouldst love me for my mind
Alone? Silent still. Your silence speaks —
Pained eyes averted from this wretched blight;
These sunken depths. I have become a sham,
Disgust myself. This weakness in me reeks;
Yet still I vow, “I could have shone so bright
If only you had loved me as I was.”
*****
M.A. Mohanraj
September 9, 1996