The Very Secret Diary of Morgan Le Fay, Part I

Day 1

Big day: getting married. Chap named Urine or something. Looking forward to having my own castle, but a bit sorry to leave my sister Morgause. Sweet girl, v. loyal, plus absolute tiger in bed.

Day 4

Domestic life boring me to tears. Am married to withered geezer who snores. Fortunately neighbors v. nice! Faeries, but am not prejudiced. They wear spiffy clothes made of spiderwebs and moonbeams, engage in wacky fey larks, throw best parties.

Day 5

Am tired of everyone getting my name wrong. Realise we are lax with spelling and grammar in this century, but is no excuse for "Morgaine". Sounds like hair loss remedy, not glamorous at all. Plus am sensing widespread confusion over distinction between me and Morgause. Tried to get people to call her "Mouse" to make things simpler, but did not stick. Am asking everyone to call me by new nickname, M. le Fay. Get it? Because I hang out with the faerie folk? Think sounds v. edgy and cool.

Day 10

Am widely known now as M. le Fay. Street cred through the roof.

Couldn't think of a thing to do with myself today, so did it with stable boy instead.

Day 14

OooOOoooOh. Quelle night. Partied wi faeriesh, travelld between dimenshuns acrossh time, sheduced errant knights (4). Party hearty, woo hoo!!! Am righ knackered.

Day 15

Gah. Crashing and hungover. Fecking faerie dust.

Picked up Sony television/VCR unit and videos during fey travels in future but neglected to bring back remote control, also electricity. Fecking dark ages.

Day 20

Heard from Morgause via magical scrying glass. She misses close companionship of beloved sister. Comforted herself by boffing our brother. Did not mention the sibling relationship to Arthur as he is so vanilla and would have kicked up big fuss. Suppose threesome is out of the question.

Day 45

Bloody hell. Morgause knocked up. By own brother, v. tawdry. Offspring will be closest heir to throne if can ever get past the incestuous bastard problem. Also expect the inbred little nipper to have extra fingers, toes, heads.

Day 51

Understand now why the warning against eating food in faerieland. Have gained fifteen pounds! No longer fit into favorite frocks. Need new, looser frocks. Cannot carry off flowing earth-mother style, as requires wearing browns and greens, and I am totally a winter. Considering major change in direction of personal aesthetic.

Day 52

Have discovered slimming properties of dramatic slinky black gowns. 'Evil enchantress' v. good look for me, think I will go with it.

Day 53

Have ordered twenty new dramatic slinky black gowns in similar style. Definitely works on me, v. sorcerous and evil, hides waistline.

Day 55

I am a fractured, many-faceted mirror in which people see what they wish to see.

OMG I am so deep!! Nobody knows how deep I am.

Think my life would make great story. Wonder if anyone will ever write biography.

Day 56

Snorted much faerie dust, had vision of future. Get barely a mention in the books. Ridiculous.

Day 57

Snorted even more faerie dust, had vision of books further in future. Guess what: am noble priestess/heroine figure! Finally, someone understands me. Am willing to overlook misspellings. Celebrated discovery by seducing errant knights (7).

Part 2

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