The Very Secret Diary of Morgan Le Fay, Part I
Day 1
Big day: getting married. Chap named Urine or something. Looking
forward to having my own castle, but a bit sorry to leave my sister
Morgause. Sweet girl, v. loyal, plus absolute tiger in bed.
Day 4
Domestic life boring me to tears. Am married to withered geezer who
snores. Fortunately neighbors v. nice! Faeries, but am not prejudiced.
They wear spiffy clothes made of spiderwebs and moonbeams, engage in
wacky fey larks, throw best parties.
Day 5
Am tired of everyone getting my name wrong. Realise we are lax with
spelling and grammar in this century, but is no excuse for "Morgaine".
Sounds like hair loss remedy, not glamorous at all. Plus am sensing
widespread confusion over distinction between me and Morgause. Tried to
get people to call her "Mouse" to make things simpler, but did not
stick. Am asking everyone to call me by new nickname, M. le Fay. Get
it? Because I hang out with the faerie folk? Think sounds v. edgy and
cool.
Day 10
Am widely known now as M. le Fay. Street cred through the roof.
Couldn't think of a thing to do with myself today, so did it with stable
boy instead.
Day 14
OooOOoooOh. Quelle night. Partied wi faeriesh, travelld between
dimenshuns acrossh time, sheduced errant knights (4). Party hearty, woo
hoo!!! Am righ knackered.
Day 15
Gah. Crashing and hungover. Fecking faerie dust.
Picked up Sony television/VCR unit and videos during fey travels in
future but neglected to bring back remote control, also electricity.
Fecking dark ages.
Day 20
Heard from Morgause via magical scrying glass. She misses close
companionship of beloved sister. Comforted herself by boffing our
brother. Did not mention the sibling relationship to Arthur as he is so
vanilla and would have kicked up big fuss. Suppose threesome is out of
the question.
Day 45
Bloody hell. Morgause knocked up. By own brother, v. tawdry.
Offspring will be closest heir to throne if can ever get past the
incestuous bastard problem. Also expect the inbred little nipper to
have extra fingers, toes, heads.
Day 51
Understand now why the warning against eating food in faerieland. Have
gained fifteen pounds! No longer fit into favorite frocks. Need new,
looser frocks. Cannot carry off flowing earth-mother style, as requires
wearing browns and greens, and I am totally a winter. Considering major
change in direction of personal aesthetic.
Day 52
Have discovered slimming properties of dramatic slinky black gowns.
'Evil enchantress' v. good look for me, think I will go with it.
Day 53
Have ordered twenty new dramatic slinky black gowns in similar style.
Definitely works on me, v. sorcerous and evil, hides waistline.
Day 55
I am a fractured, many-faceted mirror in which people see what they wish
to see.
OMG I am so deep!! Nobody knows how deep I am.
Think my life would make great story. Wonder if anyone will ever write
biography.
Day 56
Snorted much faerie dust, had vision of future. Get barely a mention in
the books. Ridiculous.
Day 57
Snorted even more faerie dust, had vision of books further in future.
Guess what: am noble priestess/heroine figure! Finally, someone
understands me. Am willing to overlook misspellings. Celebrated
discovery by seducing errant knights (7).
Part 2
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