Part 1
The Very Secret Diary of Sir Launcelot, Part 2
Day 11
Today met Guinevere, who is Queen of this place. V. flattering and
attentive, but not as pretty as I am. Have promised to save her some sword
polishing time. She has suggested that I spell my name without a u, as it
will seem less pansy-ish that way. Am glad she thought to comment. Will be
seeing more of her in future.
Day 12
Am having terrible hair day. Think it is related to strange goo Guinevere
used to polish last night. It was most enjoyable slippery, which was nice,
but the goo also gets everywhere -- most vexing. Also, to escape confusion
such as from previous day, she suggests I call it lance polishing. My name
makes sense to me now, and seems to strike fear into the other knights.
Guenny explains that swo lance-polishing and what-not is somewhat
competitive here, but I have not had any trouble. Go me!
Day 13
Have received many offers of both sword and lance polishing, v.
flattering. Arthur keeps giving me strange looks, not entirely certain
why. Am tempted to inquire, but unsure. Still want to touch stubble.
Day 14
Have done much touching of stubble. Discovered that stubble is not soft,
and can leave a most painful rash. Castle apothecary has given me smelly
ointment and strips of cloth to cover it with. Not at all attractive. Note
to self: Will remember to avoid such hard contact with stubble.
Day 17
Rash nearly gone. Both Guenny and Arthur are acting strangely, and seem to
be unavailable for polishing sessions. Have also discovered that ladies in
waiting are fearful of polishing, as may annoy Queen. Am feeling v.
frustrated. Have decided to take a few days to go out into the woods and
smite something.
Day 19
Smite Count: 1 oak tree, 1 pine, 1 pear tree, 1 partridge, 1 boar, 2 deer
Found a lovely wood nymph for polishing assistance, which helped restore
equilibrium. Carried boar back to castle. Cooks most surprised and
pleased. Yay me!
Day 20
Have returned to hear a most interesting suggestion. Knights have decided
to hold jousting tournament. Should involve much smiting, which knights
tell me encourages ladies to polish. Sounds like v. good idea, and am
looking forward to it.
Day 22
Saw one of the ladies in waiting offer to polish Arthur's sword the other
day, and he actually took off Excalibur and handed it to her. She seemed
most pleased with the exchange. Am v. confused.
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