Part 1

The Very Secret Diary of Sir Launcelot, Part 2

Day 11

Today met Guinevere, who is Queen of this place. V. flattering and attentive, but not as pretty as I am. Have promised to save her some sword polishing time. She has suggested that I spell my name without a u, as it will seem less pansy-ish that way. Am glad she thought to comment. Will be seeing more of her in future.

Day 12

Am having terrible hair day. Think it is related to strange goo Guinevere used to polish last night. It was most enjoyable slippery, which was nice, but the goo also gets everywhere -- most vexing. Also, to escape confusion such as from previous day, she suggests I call it lance polishing. My name makes sense to me now, and seems to strike fear into the other knights. Guenny explains that swo lance-polishing and what-not is somewhat competitive here, but I have not had any trouble. Go me!

Day 13

Have received many offers of both sword and lance polishing, v. flattering. Arthur keeps giving me strange looks, not entirely certain why. Am tempted to inquire, but unsure. Still want to touch stubble.

Day 14

Have done much touching of stubble. Discovered that stubble is not soft, and can leave a most painful rash. Castle apothecary has given me smelly ointment and strips of cloth to cover it with. Not at all attractive. Note to self: Will remember to avoid such hard contact with stubble.

Day 17

Rash nearly gone. Both Guenny and Arthur are acting strangely, and seem to be unavailable for polishing sessions. Have also discovered that ladies in waiting are fearful of polishing, as may annoy Queen. Am feeling v. frustrated. Have decided to take a few days to go out into the woods and smite something.

Day 19

Smite Count: 1 oak tree, 1 pine, 1 pear tree, 1 partridge, 1 boar, 2 deer Found a lovely wood nymph for polishing assistance, which helped restore equilibrium. Carried boar back to castle. Cooks most surprised and pleased. Yay me!

Day 20

Have returned to hear a most interesting suggestion. Knights have decided to hold jousting tournament. Should involve much smiting, which knights tell me encourages ladies to polish. Sounds like v. good idea, and am looking forward to it.

Day 22

Saw one of the ladies in waiting offer to polish Arthur's sword the other day, and he actually took off Excalibur and handed it to her. She seemed most pleased with the exchange. Am v. confused.

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