The Very Secret Diary of The Holy Grail, Part 1
Day One Thousand Eleven
Still dark and musty. Still languishing here, wherever here is. Am still not found. Note to self: next time anyone asks if want to be holy object of immense power, just say no, thank you.
Day One Thousand Twelve
Still dark and musty. Still languishing.
Day One Thousand Twenty-Five
Still dark and musty. Still languishing. Have taken languishing to high art and beyond, to certified professional level. Am now MagicSyft Certified Languishing Holy Object of Immense Power, or MCLHOIP. Sounds like name of Egyptian pharaoh, or a projectile weapon from the distant future, but don't let that intimidate you. Think of "Emseelhoyeep" as v. precious thing looking for nothing more than gentle rescuer and master. "Emseelhoyeep" friend. "Emseelhoyeep" good -- it wants to be found!
Okay, am so losing it. Must get grip.
Day One Thousand Twenty-Eight
Still dark and musty. Still languishing. Starting to hallucinate other cups of similar make and model. Vaguely remember getting here and if had a head, would shake it, but have no head. Have no neck either, but that beside the point. Wait! Maybe do have neck after all! Not sure, though. Been in dark too long.
Remembering how was before darkness and mustiness closed in. Like, why not, have nothing better to do. Was with the Holy Rabbi and his bunch of students. V. friendly chaps, always partying. Now that think about it, was not particularly given choice of being holy object. Was on wood shelf in drafty establishment in big old city -- Jerico or was it Jerusalem? -- got picked up, taken to supper table. Was parked near lumps of unleavened bread. Didn't know Holy Rabbi from joe. Soon enough got knockered with cheap fermented juice from cheap fruit of the vine. Sat there till was lifted up by Rabbi who had something very important to say, I am sure, but was too knockered to remember, and besides am afraid of heights. Just remember being in good hands, hearing loud voice, then this big honking upswell of Holy Spirit striking me right in bowl area. Felt good. Power! GOOD! Go me! Ah, the good old days. And I mean, the GOOD old days.
Day One Thousand Thirty
Still dark and musty. Still languishing. Poor Holy Rabbi. Don't particularly want to remember what he went through, since involves pain and suffering and thousand years of religious social change. Would rather think of future and how maybe somebody will find me already. Had enough, okay? You there! Anyone? Helloooooooooooo?
Day One Thousand Thirty-Five
Still dark and musty. Spent many hours saying "Helooooooooo," then "Halouuuuuu" then "Halleeeeelooouioooh!" Then tried "Howieeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
Day One Thousand Forty
Still dark and musty. V. v. dark and musty. Sick and tired of "Howalowaaaaaaaaaaa." Have discovered "Yo-Dah-Leyyy-Iiiieee-Hooooooooo!" And also "Whoooo-Weeeee!" Then, followed that with combos of "Arooooooooooooooo! Ha! Ha!" "Awwwweeeeeeeeee!" And "Yiiii-aaah, yiiiiii-aaah-yow!"
Day One Thousand Forty-Five
Good thing have no vocal cords, or be hoarse by now and unable to speak. But since that not a problem, continue to say things like "Aiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaa!" Stopping for a moment since think I hear dogs outside. Or is it wolves? Maybe not. Hallucination powerful thing. Not sure what outside is.
Must get grip already.
Day One Thousand Fifty
Okay, this dark and musty is really becoming v. tedious. Who do I complain to? HELP!!! SOMEBODY, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!! *sputter cough*
Is there anyone out there? Anyone? A Mary or Martha, by any chance? Wish someone would polish me after all this time. Don't even have to be found. Just polish, put back in dark and musty place. Nothing pervy, just hygienic. That too much to ask?
Some time later...
Maybe need to try moving? Remembering how was placed here, and yes, here is some kind of big dark hall in huge dark castle. Was first secretly transported from deep earthen mound by secret holy men and women dressed in basic brown or maybe basic taupe. Or maybe it was stylish basic black with rope belt. Everyone talking about this Joseph of Arimathea something or other, how he had saved and hidden Rabbi's special Cup. Then remember someone getting slapped for saying "cup." It's Grail. Graaaaail. That's it. Not GRAAHL but GRAYYYYEEEEEL.
That's me. I'm Grail. THE Grail.
Grail, Grail, GRAIL! It's good to be Grail! -- Not.
Must get grip seriously now. Go me. Gooooooooo meeeeeeeeeeee...... Gow-oowwwwww meeeeeeeeeooowwwwww-eeeeeeeee.........
(to be continued...)
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