The Very Secret Diaries of Excalibur, Part the First
Day 1
Another beautiful day under the lake. The Ladies polish me, young Lancelot
provides ample amusement by bumping into things when he walks, and I never
have to be stuffed into that snotty bastard of a Sheath. My bejeweled hilt
is shiny. Life is good.
Day 2
Hee. Such fun! This morning a Lady waved me around over the surface of the
lake, enticing a passing knight to try to win me. Note to self: if ever
become human, due to evil enchantment, etc., remember not to try swimming
in full plate mail. That was the third knight this month, and lakebed is
getting a bit crowded with armor-clad corpses. Am so bright and shiny, all
wish to win me. None ever shall.
Day 3
That strange man with the beard, pointy hat, shifty manner, etc. was here
again, arguing with Launcelot's foster-mother and the prettiest, cruelest
Lady of the Lake (the one who's always clad in samite, with bracelets
wrought of gold, though her wrist is not half so lovely as my hilt, so
there), pointing toward the surface, shouting about destinies and glories
of battle and so forth. V. loud and annoying, almost wish someone would
take me up and run stupid wizard through, though have heard that wizardly
blood etches metal terribly, and can't have that. Am a lover, not a
fighter. Fortunately, young Lancelot widdled upcurrent from wizard, which
was good for a giggle.
Day 4
Have been taken from the lake. Have had a trauma. Trauma's name is Arthur.
Sheath is terribly smug. Too upset to continue now. Will fill in later.
Will say: do not like smiting.
Part 2
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