The new breasts are very…

The new breasts are very strange. Mostly they're achy and bound up tightly into a medical bra. But I was allowed to shower yesterday, which means I got to see them in their scarred, gory glory. And it looks like the scarring won't be too bad. And they're still kind of big, but they're supposed to be swollen right now, so I'm hopeful they'll get smaller. And overall, they look so remarkably different to anything I've ever seen on my body before -- I mean, maybe my breasts looked sort of like this when I was ten, but I don't remember. I was a self-conscious kid; I didn't do a lot of staring at my breasts. The surgeon said they would end up roughly a perky C, and that -- well, that's just weird. This is all going to take some getting used to.

Also some recovery time. I keep getting misled by the fact that the rest of my body moves around fine (unlike, say, after the c-section, when I could barely walk), and I do too much, and then I get hit by a wave of exhaustion. Today, I'm really making an active effort to be prone as much as possible, instead of fooling myself into thinking oh, I can sort laundry, right? Since that doesn't really involve any lifting, just sitting on the floor and putting things in piles. Or, I can clean up all the kids' toys, because the disaster is getting to me. Yesterday, I even thought for a while that I could take Kev while the kids were at school and go run house errands (we need things like a shower curtain rod and a toilet paper holder for the kids' bath), and I think I'm pretty lucky that he talked me out of it, because I was totally crashing by midday. Convalescence. It's not just a word.

People are so nice. Daniel and Anne unexpectedly dropped off a big tray of mac-and-cheese last night, which will make my kids happy. Lori came by this morning to give Kev a break; she did a bunch of roughhousing with Anand and assemblage of puzzles with both kids, which helped a lot with their boredom. Mommy has been very dull lately, with all the lying in bed, and daddy had a bad headache for two days (but is thankfully doing better today). They want playmates. Jarmila is coming this evening for a bit, and Simone is coming tomorrow morning. Minal is arriving back in town this weekend and will be staying with us for a few days. So nice.

I was able to give Lori a nice rice-and-curry lunch thanks to my aunt's food delivery, and we even talked about writing a little. Once I'm a bit more recovered, next week is mostly dedicated to the ASAM web page and finalizing my new syllabus. And then the week after that, the semester starts, and it'll likely be slightly harried. So I'm trying not to stress about the lack of writing -- my goals are minimal for right now -- finish one story draft, and revise another by the end of August. With the plan that starting in September, a new semester regimen starts -- the kids go back to five days a week of school, I teach Tues / Thurs, and I'm planning MWF to actually both exercise and write. Seriously -- BOTH. Now that my life is no longer being consumed by house stuff (yes, there are still boxes to unpack, but that can happen on the weekend, right?), it's time to get things back to the way they're supposed to be.

Goals for the fall -- take a serious stab at getting from overweight down to normal weight, integrating more yoga, swimming, and walking (all activities I enjoy) into my daily life. Draft a new novel (there's one simmering in my head). Enjoy our house. Enjoy family and friends. Teach well. Have a good life.

We'll see how it goes.