I want to clarify a little bit from my failure post of the other day. Lots of people responded kindly with suggestions of structural changes, but I think what wasn’t clear to them (and that might be my fault for how
I wrote it originally), is that this isn’t a structural problem.
Yes, if you’re having trouble writing fiction (or any other creative pursuit), the first step is often to deal with structural issues. Maybe you don’t have enough time set aside to write, or a place to write, or time that’s free of interruption, or you have health issues that make the activity difficult, etc. Or all of the above. In those cases, definitely trying to address those structural issues first makes sense.
But I did all that, over the last thirty years of being a working writer. I have shaped and re-shaped my life to optimize for writing. I now have a life (esp. since my kids are older), where I can wake up and have four hours blocked out every single morning where there’s nothing else I have to do. I have multiple great places to work, the tech I need to work effectively, am in good enough health to be able to work, and have plenty of time for writing.
***
(I think people are getting confused in a chicken-and-egg kind of way — they think I have too much going on and so I don’t have time to write. It’s the opposite — I have plenty of time to write, but then I don’t write, which makes me miserable. So then I do other things so I am at least a little productive, which makes me less miserable — it’s better than sitting around being furious with myself; I’ve tried that, and it just sucks and doesn’t get me anywhere.
If I *could* get myself to write at any point, almost everything else I do could easily be dropped or at least rescheduled for later.)
***
I’m clear that writing is my professional priority (among other things, I get paid a LOT better for writing (and teaching writing) than for anything else I do), and I should write before I do anything else. And yet, despite all of that, in the last two years or so, I’ve gone months without writing.
The only blockage left to my writing for several hours every day is mental. It’s clearly all in my head. I’ve been trying to think of an analogy, and I don’t think I have any other big issues like this to compare it to, but I do kind of suck at flossing.
It’s a little like that — I have the floss, I have the time, there’s no good reason not to floss, I think of it in the morning and at bedtime, and yet, somehow, I very often can’t summon up the willpower to do it. (My therapist would tell me that it’s a mistake to think of it in terms of willpower. I know, I know. Working on it.)
Why I have a block around writing is a subject for another post — I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on in my head, but it’s complicated, and explaining it will take some time and care. Right now, I need to go back to prepping for the semester starting next week. More soon, probably.
*****
(pic: finally started some paperwhites, which I normally start in October, but just didn’t get around to it this year — oh well, better late than never.)