Trying to shift into summer mode, and reclaim my fiction writing mind, which has been struggling the last few years. Waking up on a houseboat, pulling up the story I drafted on the plane, starting on a second draft, trying to figure out whether it’s actually any better than the first draft — it’s good.
But it’s not easy work — I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how art production is so much easier to begin (for me) than writing work, and I think some of it has to do with the inherent structure of the work.
When I make art, I have concrete physical tasks — they’re set in motion by a thought, but playing it out is primarily physical, with small aesthetic judgements at times (placing a flower, deciding how much scent to add to a candle, etc.). But really not that much conscious thinking.
And art-making offers lots of rewards — as I’m unmolding a series of resin pieces, I’m getting little dopamine hits of satisfaction. Some frustration too, of course — there are failures in the process. But the flowers I work with are beautiful, and there’s generally a lot of pleasure and satisfaction built into the work.
Writing, on the other hand — especially for book-length work, there’s a lot of what feels like stumbling through the murk, lots of questioning of whether what I’m doing is any good, and all the market considerations pressing down on it too — will anyone actually read this at all, will it get published, etc. It can be really disheartening.
I’m not sure if there’s a way to build more dopamine into the writing process. Maybe I need a cheering section that I can just send daily writing to, and they will only tell me things they like about it. That sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud, and wildly insecure, but I’m kind of feeling wildly insecure about my fiction right now, so maybe building in some positive affirmations isn’t the worst idea?
Eventually I’ll want critique as well, to make the work better, but right now, when I’m just trying to build habits of actually writing again, perhaps it’s okay to just ask for praise and encouragement. 🙂
Something to talk about with the new therapist, I think. But would appreciate your thoughts as well.
“Dama left behind the noisy chaos of the kitchen, stepping out into the palace garden. A liminal space, as dawn broke across the sky, frightening away the dark. Nothing terrible could happen in this kingdom, under the light of such a generous sun. That light graced efflorescent hibiscus blossoms: carmine and crimson, scarlet and saffron.”
