Executive Function Fail

I’m having so much executive function fail these days. It’s tough. I’m physically clumsier too — yesterday, I kept bumping into things, almost breaking things, etc. But I can cope with that — the big frustration is when I can’t seem to think clearly, and so I do things wrong, and then they have to be redone.

I switched elastics on the masks, because I ran out of the cord elastic I’d been using, and I made a whole bunch of them with 1/4″ elastic before I realized that knotting the thicker elastic ate up more elastic, and so they were uncomfortably tight around the ears or flat-out unwearable. I had to repurpose a dozen that I’d intended for adults for kids instead, and it’s okay, there’s a need there too, but it’s frustrating, and eats time in figuring it out. I just ran out of the white 1/4″ elastic, and now I’m using 1/8″, and I had to calculate the right length again for that.

I’m mostly using up all the bits of elastic I had on hand, because I’m frugal that way, but I just bought two large spools of black 1/4″ elastic, so I’m looking forward to switching to that and using it for a long time.

Of course, I also plan to switch over the style of mask next — I’ve cranked out a lot of these Deaconness-style masks for casual use, or for healthcare folks to wear over N-95s, but I’d like to figure out how to do a mask with a fitted nosepiece, so that’s going to require some thinking and experimenting, and sometimes I feel like I can do that, and sometimes I just can’t think clearly enough.

I want to try fabric ties too, maybe a combination of an elastic at the bottom and a bias tape tie at the top, and that’s going to require some thinking, looking at different patterns, trying to get the numbers right.

Even something as simple as laying out the pieces — see all these, nice and pinned? They’re wrong — it should be with the interesting map on the bottom, then the backing fabric, then the filter fabric. So I had to unpin and rearrange all of these, or I’d be sending out masks I wasn’t happy with. I have a bunch that I have to just redo the elastic on too. Frustrating to lose time like that, but I’m trying to make peace with it.

My mistakes and failures are part of the overarching trauma. It’s not a judgement on me that I’m tired and sloppy and having a hard time thinking — it’s absolutely to be expected, right now. Breathe. It’s okay. Take a break, eat something, drink some tea. Try again.

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