It was a long week, peoples. I’ve hit the point where I really can’t read too much news, or I get hit with this wave of anticipatory grief, and then I can’t get anything done for a while, and that does no good to me or to anyone.
It’s strange, because of course, there have been too many people dying too soon all over the world throughout my entire life — dying of starvation, or lack of clean water, or war, or yes, disease. So much of the world’s pain that somehow, I managed not to engage with, but this, this is close to home (close to everyone’s home), and so I’m forced to look, at least a little bit.
“Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief,” the Talmud says. That’s hard right now. I am daunted; at times, reading the news, studying the projections, I feel as if I will be knocked to my knees by it.
So I deliberately turn away, try to get my own work done, keep myself as stable as possible, for the kids if not for myself. When mama gets wobbly, they start wobbling too. So be calm, as much as possible, and if I can’t be calm, then I take a little break from them, go hide in the basement or in my shed. We were lucky, I think, in their ages for this — younger kids would require much more time and energy of us, and older teens would likely be chafing at the bit. Generally, our kids are coping surprisingly well, as long as we are too.
I’ll sew masks for healthcare workers this weekend; maybe that will help me feel a little less useless. I’ll stay in my house and garden, doing my small bit to flatten the curve and keep from accidentally spreading the disease, grateful that I have a garden to spend time in. It’s an incredible luxury in a time like this.
Hope you’re getting through okay. Hope your people stay safe.