I love the idea of…

I love the idea of working at home, but after many years of it, I think I've found the flaw -- I don't actually work. Or rather, I work on things that have deadlines (I've kept up well on my teaching and its prep / grading needs), and I work on my house and garden (which offer constant visual reminders of what could be improved). But things that aren't clamoring for attention in some way tend to get neglected, and I don't notice in the moment, because it's not like I'm sitting around eating bonbons -- I'm busy! But the proportions are off. Too much home (and Facebook), not enough writing.

I'm trying to seriously re-orient my life to make room for more writing (because not writing makes me super-stressed in the back of my head), and in just a couple of days, I'm finding that it's probably do-able, but either a) I have to physically work harder (I was pretty tired by the end of both Monday and Tuesday, and felt like I'd been running all day) to fit it all in, or b) I need to let some of the house stuff go. Probably it'll end up being some of both. (Of course, I'm losing an average of 6 hours / week right now to medical treatments, so I'll get those back in 2016; that'll help.)

Today's my long writing day of the week. The plan is to get an hour of household stuff done now while watching tv, go do the radiation treatment, and then be 'on writing time' from 9:30 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. Per usual, during writing time, I let myself write, read, exercise, and do yarn stuff while listening to music. No housework, no tv, no family, no Facebook. I'll probably work at home until 2-ish, and then head out to cafes / library until at least 8-ish (after Kevin puts the kids to bed).

We have a gap today of two hours, when someone needs to meet the kids after school and Kevin's still at work. It'd be tempting for me to say, oh, I'll break then and get them home and putter a bit until Kev gets home and then go work again, but I find that every time I try to go into writing mode, it takes a while to reacclimatize, so I lose significant time when I go out. Like deep sea diving, maybe? I've never done that, so not certain it's a good metaphor. Though I think it's coming out you need to go slow, not going in...

Anyway, today, Kat is able to watch my kids along with hers, so we're doing that. If this becomes regular, we'll pay a sitter to cover the time. I'll be paying for some kind of dinner out too. It feels weird to spend money when I *could* be working here, just taking a little break to meet them -- but it's never just a little break. My brain goes into domestic mode and out of writing mode, and I end up losing hours.

The big plus so far, along with more writing, is that I'm actually enjoying my family more. When I'm with them, I'm just with them, and not stressing about not writing. Much happier time.

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