On the one hand, I don't want there to be a disparity in how we raise our children, and what we expect of them, especially if it's going to affect how disciplined, hard-working, and professionally successful they are later in life.
I don't want Anand to come back in twenty years and say, "You should have pushed me harder!" Some of my college students actually do complain about that -- they find college so difficult, and they say they wish their parents had stressed academics and discipline when they were young. And also made them learn a language, and an instrument.
And on the other hand, Kevin and I honestly do not care whether or not Anand stayed to sing in his preschool performance last night, more relaxed parents are undoubtedly less stressful for children to deal with, and educational / career achievements are not the be-all and end-all of life.
I think the main takeaway is that whatever level of pushing the kids / encouraging them to work hard / etc. we want to do, we try to apply it evenly to both of them, keeping in mind that since she was our first, we probably pushed her a little harder / focused a bit more on her hitting milestones, etc. all the way along up until now. Hmm...