"Last night when I was talking to my mum, she told me that she'd tried to make these Martha Stewart cookies and they didn't work. They were supposed to hold together so that you could "gently shape them into haystacks" and they wouldn't. She tried everything, even pressing them together so hard her hands hurt, and they still wouldn't make haystacks. Just screwed up inedible coconut lying in egg puddles. Apparently it was super frustrating to have a cookie failure this close to Christmas because then my mum said Martha Stewart should go f**k herself."
-- from Yarn Harlot