Writing a story (“In…

Writing a story ("In the House of God") from the POV of a woman going through very intense experiences -- and she's also an emotional sort of person, and is thinking in a flood of conflicting metaphors. Im not sure if it works, or if it just seems like purple prose / bad writing. :-( But I kind of love it. Argh. Just not sure.

Narita frowned and shook her head, avoiding Amara's eyes. "This isn't the time." Amara felt her heart crash back into her chest, and then sink, a fallen star, cold as empty space, settling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't belong here. Amara took two steps to the doorway and leaned against the frame. A storm was battering its way inside her body, stealing the strength from her muscles and bones. She would fall down without the wall to prop her up.

See, like that. And there's a lot more of it. This is an earlier bit: "There was a hole in her heart, and her blood was gushing out, pooling around her, a sea of crimson soaking into the red rug. Over-dramatic, over-intense, that was what her husband had always called her. How would he know? Rajiv was too cold and calculating to have a heart."

Too much?

3 thoughts on “Writing a story (“In…”

  1. This is a balance issue, I think. I would get tired of a whole story written in this fashion but some would be fun. I’d guess you’d want to use this type of writing to accentuate the times Amara is feeling most (over)dramatic.

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