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Good morning, everyone!…

Good morning, everyone! Funny, I'm already doing much better at this diary thing than I ever have before -- I guess because I feel like I'm actually talking to somebody...

I had a terrible night, actually -- woke up trembling and shaking in the grasp of some horrible flu, but swift application of various pills and fluids have brought me back to my regular cheerful self. So cheerful, in fact, that my morning music consists of the soundtrack to Beauty and the Beast. :-)

In another hour or two my houseguest will be getting up and I'll be making crepes for her (there's a fantastic, and very simple, recipe in the Fannie Farmer cookbook - basically 1 c. flour, 1 c. milk, 2 T. melted butter, 2 eggs, 1 flat t. salt -- mix well and pour batter in approx. 1/2 c. portions onto a nonstick griddle and swirl it around on high heat -- add a little more milk if crepes seem too thick) and then plan to spend most of today reading (read Zelazny's Doorways in the Sand this morning, a delightful interstellar romp in an interesting style) and possibly playing Warlords (silly computer game to which I'm addicted) if some friends make it over later. A relaxing, recovering from the flu kind of day.

Only exciting thing to happen so far is that I met my new upstairs neighbor; Karen, a law student at Temple U. She seems very nice, and I got to tell her all about our slumlord landlords. Maybe she can get some things done before she moves in, like getting them to put hot water in the washing machines. Oh, the travails of a student lifestyle! :-)

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(New Year’s…

(New Year's Eve)

Mmmm. Having a little difficulty prying my eyes open to write this -- totally rockin' party last night. I had planned to just stop by for a bit and pay my respects (friend's friend's birthday) but it was such a fascinating bunch of people that we didn't get to sleep till 4:30 or so. 10 different nationalities at least, and a wide range of clothes and styles, from glamour to grunge, and the place was packed. I could have done with a little less smoke, but such is life...

Woke up this morning and finished rereading a collection of Sayers short stories (you remember her? the mystery writer I recommended a few days ago?), Lord Peter Views the Body. Great fun, with a couple true gems. Have now started some Twain short stories, beginning with his "Letter to the Earth", which is hilarious! If you like sardonic wit, seek this story out.

Been doing a lot of thinking lately, about life, and this page, and the net. I never really expected that these pages and my words would gain the tremendous success they have, and though undoubtedly part of the page's popularity is due to its being listed under erotica in various indexes, enough people have written to me (I get about 10 letters a day) that it seems clear people actually do read (and enjoy) the rest of my ramblings. Which makes me wonder why they read it and why I write it. I think that perhaps the world is a very lonely place, and growing lonelier. And even though my life is full and rich with friends and love, there is always an urge to reach out and speak to someone else -- to know that I am being heard. Perhaps it's just simple insecurity, or something more complex. Whichever, I'm glad and grateful that so many people are enjoying these pages.

It seems to have been a good year all around, with its share of ups and downs, but more ups than I've had in a few years. For a while after I left college I felt as if I were in limbo, just floating around trying to figure out what to do with my life, both personally and professionally. But then a year or so ago I made some choices and stuck by them, and they finally seem to be paying off. If I've collected any wisdom this year, I think it's this -- take chances. Be brave and do the thing that you are most afraid of. You know the quote I'm about to mangle..."Of all the words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'it might have been.'"

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(New Year’s Day)Just…

(New Year's Day)

Just some quick notes, as I'm about to head out the door and go rent some movies -- a lazy day planned for today.

Yesterday evening was fun -- we splurged and ordered Indian food from New Delhi (chicken vindaloo, aloo paratha, samosas and more -- yum!). There are these little delivery companies in Philly that put out a menu from a selection of neighborhood restaurants, and will even deliver from multiple places for an extra $2, making it much too easy to order delivery. Nice service, and the restaurants are generally very good.

Not much exciting to say -- just spending a lot of time hanging out with friends, really. New Year's resolutions? Spend more time writing, and a lot more time marketing. I'll be at Arisia in Boston in mid-January (Arisia is a sf convention) for just that reason. Marketing is a pain.

Happy New Year, everyone!

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I’m troubled. I spent…

I'm troubled. I spent much of this morning paging through some of the other diaries on-line, all of which are much more personal and specific than my own. And I'm considering whether I can/should keep this diary up without mentioning the names of people who are important in my life, or without talking about personal events. I'm not sure where or if I should draw the line between total disclosure/honesty and safety/privacy. I already (as a result of being a woman who writes erotica and admits it) get occasional disturbing e-mail, most of which I can ignore, but it's stressful sometimes (like the guy who kept sending me one-sentences messages, like 'you're a whore.') I don't know if it's fair to expose my friends to that. Or even to discuss their private lives in a public forum. They're already used to my fictionalizing their lives in stories and poems, but that somehow seems slightly less intrusive than saying 'X and I had a terrible fight', or 'I had the best sex of my life with Y last night.' Even if I just use first names, I have a link to at least one of my partners in my 'friends link' section, and so it would be easy for someone to start sending harassing e-mail to that person.

It really makes me angry sometime that my words and life can be so constrained by danger from idiots.

I suppose the best thing to do is ask each of the people I'd like to mention if they'd mind. And then think about exactly what I want to say to you all. Oof.

To go back to the standard fare of this journal -- yesterday I watched Flirting again, a classic Australian movie about high school and being an outsider and falling in love and a lot more. Thoroughly enjoyed it. After that, there occurred various and complex events in my love life, all of which have left me feeling slightly off-kilter today, and which spurred the rant above. In brief, I've started re-examining both a particular relationship in my life, and my views on relationships and polyamory in general. For those not familiar with polyamory, please ref. the newsgroup, alt.polyamory, especially the FAQ.

I also spent some time working on some old lyrics for a rather odd song I wrote many years ago, because a friend wants me to write lyrics to some of his music, and so I'm thinking much more about music than I have in a while. I used to play classical piano and flute -- now I futz around on a keyboard and pennywhistle and bodhran and wooden spoons and am much more interested in the folk tradition. I still have trouble 'jamming', so to speak -- I feel a need for written music that just doesn't fit in with the ethos or practice of folk or basement band.

noon -- I finally got back the last of the photos from my trip to Sri Lanka, in addition to some photos I thought I had lost of an old love. Interesting, and leaving me feeling somewhat wistful. I wouldn't mind a week on a tropical island right now.

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Okay. So I thought about…

Okay. So I thought about it some, and talked it over with my friends, so here's the deal. They're okay with me mentioning them by first name, which makes life a little simpler. So I get to do that, and I'll tell you a little more about them, so you have some context. On the other hand, I'm not really interested in turning this diary into some form of soap opera, so you probably won't get the ins and outs of my emotional life. More philosophical/practical sort of. Of course, all this (and everything) is always subject to change.

Not much more to report lately. Finally started submitting stories again today -- sent a short piece called "Send in the Clown" to Terra Incognita, a new sf magazine with a cool premise -- we'll see if they like it. Also got a check from CyberPorn Magazine for a reprint -- checks are always nice. One of these days I'll get to quit the day job.

Hmmm...guess I'll wait and see what response this gets. If the crazies start coming out in droves, I'll have to just delete this info. I do want to note -- several people have written and expressed concern that I put my address on the web. I appreciate the thought, but keep in mind that since it's clear to any moderately competent hacker that I log in from Philly, a quick phone call to information is all they need to get my home phone and address. I don't want to live in fear. So far, perhaps I've just been lucky, but I plan to live my life as openly as is reasonable. And 'reasonable' is, of course, a very subjective judgement.

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