I love academia. I…

I love academia. I really do. There's nothing like the rush you get from a really in-depth intellectual discussion, especially one where you know you've read all the major work written on the subject, and so you're arguing from a thoroughly grounded perspective. You know what you're talking about. So do the people you're talking to. And you're still disagreeing...ah. If this kind of thing doesn't thrill you to your toes, you probably don't want a career in academia.

However.

Even if it does thrill you, even if you can't imagine anything more exciting than introducing freshmen to Shakespeare, or finding an obscure literary figure and becoming the world expert, or coming up with a new theory that shakes and shapes your field, or publishing a few books in your chosen area (detailed, substantive, solid) -- even if that's your dream, you still may not want a career in academia. Or at least in English, since I'm not sure that the experience of a math or physics Ph.D. is anything like the pitiful stories outlined here. Poor munchkins.

I'm not giving up the idea of getting a Ph.D., or possibly ending up a tenured professor somewhere. But boy, I'm glad I do other things too.

Speaking of those other things, it's definite now. I'm going to be consulting editor on the next Herotica anthology. I cannot tell you how psyched I am. The money is not so much -- they're a small press. But it's an anthology that sells very well, and it'll be very good for me to have my name on it. Not to mention that it'll be a blast to work on. Marcy Sheiner is the primary editor -- you may remember her from the radio interview we did together some months back for Herotica 6. I'll be helping write the call for subs, helping to propagate, serving as a second pair of eyes on the manuscripts, and possibly writing a short essay for the book. So much fun. :-)

There's a lot of other stuff in the works still; a possible audiobook, the water anthology, the partnership with Jane, the proposal I need to write for a Clean Sheets anthology... my emotional life has been kind of up and down recently; I've been feeling very stressed and moody and difficult. But at least work is progressing well.

The next few days will be nuts with preparing for WisCon, and then I'll be back for only two weeks before I go off to Salt Lake (and then two weeks later is Roshani's wedding in Chicago), so I expect this coming month to be exceedingly hectic. I still haven't found someone to sublet my room for the summer -- not a necessity, but would be very nice financially. Hopefully everything will get done in time. Yesterday I made up fliers and bookmarks for Clean Sheets to take to WisCon; today I did up the Clean Sheets newsletter for last week, and added the WisCon details to my site. I have a massive list of things to do tonight, but maybe I'll manage to squeeze in time for dinner with David. But right now, I really ought to get back to work...lunch is almost over.

Breathe, Mary Anne, breathe...

Exhausting days, my…

Exhausting days, my chickadees. So I'll just leave you with a poem I wrote a few days ago, and then go to sleep.

And the sea is shaking...

Is this how the ocean feels
at night, when the waves
move through her, when they pound
against the shore? The moon
so far away; its light is
silver-bright but cold, and the wind
sings shivering down from the ice,
from the place where the water
lies trapped, held still in the cold
(underneath it is shaking,
underneath it is aching). So
lonely, such broad and empty
places where only tiny fish
shiver, slipping under the ocean's
skin, where a gull sweeping down
will only remind her how empty
is the still blackness of night,
of sky. The sailors are all away,
at home, asleep in the arms of patient,
frightened wives, rocked safe and
held tight against the day, against
the moment when they slide out
of those arms, that bed, that warm
house, slip down to the water's edge
where the boats are waiting,
waiting for the clear grey edge of
dawn, when they will go dancing
along the sea-skin, singing faithless
love songs for her during the brief
so brief
day.

Hey, journal addicts; I…

Hey, journal addicts; I have a new one for you. This one's a little odd, though:

Angelica Lawson and Henry Byers

These are two academics who have started a monthly journal (that's right, just one entry a month. You can consume the whole thing over lunch) focusing on what's known as the 'two-body problem' -- how to maintain two careers in academe and not kill your partner. I could explain the whole thing in detail, but if you start at the earlier entry and work forward, I think it'll quickly become clear to those unfamiliar with the dilemma.

This is only sort of relevant to Kevin and I -- I'm not a full-time, full-fledged academic, unlike him. A lot of what interests me (writing and editing), can be done at home, so it's easier for me to move around to suit his very random career-related moves. Ideally, I'd probably be happiest with some combination of teaching, writing and editing, which means that adjunct teaching may suit me just fine (we'll see after I try some). And we don't have a kid, so while a commuting relationship is a nuisance, we can probably do it and maintain the relationship. Probably.

But this sort of thing is a lot of what we spend our time talking about lately, so I thought y'all might be interested in this couple (who face much harder decisions).

And who knows? I may go get that Ph.D. one of these years...

I wanted to point y’all…

I wanted to point y'all to Sulekha -- it's become the only site other than mouthorgan (and some journals) that I check regularly, compulsively. I'm not sure how long that'll last -- part of the fascination right now is that I'm in it, and it's interesting to see people's responses to my work, but it has a lot of good things going for it (variety of articles, updated daily, coffeehouse forum for discussion, multinational audience), so I may be spending time there for a while.

They published my story, "Season of Marriage", there a little while ago, and I was really surprised to see the firestorm of controversy it provoked. I think of that as a fairly tame little story, but the editors took a lot of flak from readers who were decrying such filth. Some didn't go quite that far, but still thought the bar for erotica should be much higher than that for anything else Sulekha published, which is an argument that would have never occured to me. Those readers seemed afraid that publishing any smut would lead to Sulekha turning into a porn magazine, where anything else gets drowned out.

At first I thought they were just being silly, but it's true that the piece has shot up to #15 in the rankings last I checked, and that it's spawned several coffeehouse discussions ("Sex in Literature - The Thin Red Line", "'Virginity' in Indian Marriages", "Violence or Sex", and a series of parodies ("Write CHALLENGE!") (fans of the story may or may not want to go read several alternate endings, including ones in which Raji is a spy, Raji is a lesbian, Raji's husband is gay, Raji is an alcoholic...). Sex sells, indubitably. Maybe the readers have a point, though I'd probably be more inclined to simply limit the number of sex-focused pieces I published in such a multi-topic magazine, rather than raising the bar specifically for those pieces. Interesting debate, at any rate.

It's funny how hard the fierce criticism still hits me. A few of the readers were kind enough to say they weren't trying to put down my writing, just questioning the appropriateness of the material for that particular forum. And many were quite positive and supportive. And still, it was upsetting. The parodies are pretty funny, but those were upsetting at first too. My poor Raji -- what have they done to her? And they clearly don't understand Vivek at all if they think he'd run off and abandon her...

Ah well. I'm mostly recovered. And I suppose if my goal is to be at least mildly famous (why in the world do I care? I don't know, but I do...), I ought to get used to this sort of thing. I just forget sometimes what the wide world is like; these days, most of the people who find my stuff are already looking for sex-related material, so they're predisposed to like it. I suppose the more I publish in mainstream markets, the more this is going to happen, so unless I want to stay in the erotica ghetto, I better develop a thicker skin.

(SLCCC phone interview in 40 minutes. Meep.)

10:00. I think they liked me. They only have one course (possibly) available. Sigh. They'll let me know either today or Monday. Nail-biting.

Well, y’all may be…

Well, y'all may be getting more regular updates from me in the future, 'cause it seems that now Karen feels free to send me harassing e-mail when I don't update regularly. Hmph. Just wait 'til she gets her site up. Revenge will be so sweet...

News since Monday...well, not so much. I discovered that I'd forgotten to include my transcripts in the packet I sent to SLCCC...sigh. I sent those off today, and called this morning with my reference info. The division chair says she expects to get back to me today or tomorrow, once she's reviewed my materials and what positions are currently available. Tenterhooks.

I *finally* sent off the last batch of eHow articles and printed an invoice (which I will fax today). That's a task I've been putting off for a while, so I feel a little better now that it's done. If I could just finish "The Fall" (which I'm going to do Sunday, come hell or high water), then I'd feel much less guilty about things that have been looming for a while.

I made signs to post at Mills about renting out my room, but I'm not sure when I'll have a chance to stop by and put them up. I guess I'll take them to work with me, so that if I get off early I can stop at Mills on the way home. I'm having dinner with Steve (photographer guy), so I may not have time.

Lots of silly little errands to run. The library closed before I could get my Nicola Griffith book, so I need to go back to Rockridge. I cleaned out my closet, so I also have a bunch of clothes to take to either trade (if they'll take 'em) or donate. All that will probably happen this weekend. I should make up new bookmarks for Clean Sheets, to take to Wiscon. I should update my pages with all the Wiscon info. I should take a look at "Season of Marriage" and see if I want to revise it before I submit it to SFY.

Hmm...it's going to be weird if it appears after "Minal in Winter" in this projected collection that I'm not really thinking about because it makes me nervous. The punchline will be given away -- you'll know that Raji and Vivek end up reasonably happy together. I wonder if that'll be a problem. Hmm....

Part of me doesn't want to revise it at all, since it's already in print (and all over the web) in one form. But another part is saying not to be silly, since it's clearly much clunkier and less subtle than some of the later stories. Not sure what to do on that.

Anyway, I'm going to push all this aside and go read the new mouthorgan Woohoo! :-)

Hey, munchkins. Hope…

Hey, munchkins. Hope the week has started off okay for y'all. A bit frantic for me, but before I get to today, let's look at Sunday...

Jed and I headed down to the SFY meeting around 1. Got there on time, around 2. As it turned out, people were running late, and by the time they arrived and we ate Avi's yummy food (hummus and falafel and lavosh and tahini and baba ganoush and next time I'm going to make him make dolmas 'cause that was the only thing missing and I love them to distraction) and goofed off, it was 4. So we started critiquing. People were generally kind to my "Bodies in Motion", which was sort of to be expected since it was the third draft (I never do this many drafts. It's going to need at least one more. Oof. It better be worth it.), except for Zed who was not kind but who was right on the money in his critiques. Cut the easy romance novel claptrap. Ground my damn characters. As Nicola says, "Do the work." I am such a lazy bum sometimes...

When I finally got home, it was almost 8, and I didn't do much other than call Kevin and talk to him. The conversation was a little frustrating 'cause he's in Chicago for a bit doing some work with some other mathematicians which means that he's using his cell phone which means that every twenty minutes or so it would decide to just cut out and he'd have to call me back. It was frustrating in lots of other ways too, but we managed to resolve some things a little, so that when I finally got off the phone at 11:30 I felt more at peace than I have in a while.

I had forwarded Todd's latest journal entries to him, and he had read them (though not responded because he doesn't like using e-mail for anything other than brief notes, and you can just imagine how nuts that drives me when I send him long convoluted letters, but anyway), so we talked about similarities and differences. He started by saying that the situations weren't that similar and if he felt the way Todd felt, he would have just broken up with me. So after I recovered from my heart attack, I pointed out that Todd doesn't seem so sure of the way Todd feels on some of the major points, and he agreed, and somewhere in the muddle of conversation around that it became clear that there really are some pretty major differences between our relationship and Todd and Debbie's relationship. Which is really probably just as well. (And which is not, in any way, to be taken to mean that I think they shouldn't stay together -- I think they should most definitely stay together. I also think Todd should just do what I tell him to and stop worrying his pretty little head and he'd be much happier. :-)

Kev and I also rehashed the whole flowers thing, and oddly enough, might have actually made some progress on it. That's really bizarre to me, considering that this has been an issue, off and on, for seven years. Why in the world we'd figure out stuff about it now, I don't get. You would think it would have happened long ago. But I'm glad anyway. And we managed to clear up some misunderstandings from last Christmas, which was just a bonus. Interesting conversation. Well worth a couple of hours.

This morning I spent talking to city sanitation people (our sewer backed up again, oof!) and putting together my application to teach composition at Salt Lake Community College. I sent them my CV, my tech writing resume, their application form, and a letter to the division chair (which Cliff said looked pretty good), so keep your fingers crossed. I'm going to try to remember to call them Wednesday or Thursday and see if they got it okay. We'll see how it goes.

In case I haven't explained the significance of this, I'll recap -- I'm planning on spending at least July in Salt Lake with Kevin, more probably mid-June to mid-August, and possibly all of June through August (though that last is not so likely). It would be exceedingly nice to be teaching for some of that time; as y'all know, I've been missing teaching something fierce, and the experience would be interesting and worthwhile (though undoubtedly terrifying too (Watch Mary Anne panic. Panic, Mary Anne, panic)). University of Utah doesn't have any summer teaching left, so this is really my one shot for it in Salt Lake. If I don't get it, then I'll almost certainly go anyway and spend the time with Kevin, do tech writing and temping to earn my daily bread, and continue to look for teaching work for the next academic year. Oof. Okay, I think that covers it.

And my boss just beeped me, so I gotta run off to meet with the engineers. Talk to y'all later...

Well, Karen has chided…

Well, Karen has chided me for not updating frequently. She (and Jed) not-so-gently quoted to me the line at the top of my home page, about updating daily. Hmph. I figure they can talk when she gets her journal on-line, and he puts up his column every Sunday without fail. :-)

One of the reasons I haven't written much this week is that Todd has, for the past couple of days, been writing my life. Well, not my life, but my relationship with Kev. It's been very odd seeing it through his eyes. I sort of knew how Kevin felt about such things, but he's not the most verbal of people, so it's kind of nice getting a detailed description, blow-by-blow. Anyway; I was more interested in seeing how their situation played out than in detailing ours, which I probably wouldn't have done anyway. :-)

And the other reason is just that I haven't been doing anything interesting. No socializing, no writing -- just working and cleaning up my room and a bit of minor gardening and working some more. Lots of that, but not on anything interesting. Been feeling a bit mopey; Friday night I spent a couple of hours watching _Four Weddings and a Funeral_ again, which I love, but which left me even more mopey than I was beforehand. (Which I, of course, knew would happen (on some level) and if Kevin had been here he would have asked me why I was picking that movie to watch if I knew it would upset me more. Self-destructive impulses, maybe? He gets nervous if I read romance novels too, as I almost always end up weepy or mad at him or both by the end, and it takes me a few hours to recover myself.)

Yesterday was lovely, though. Jed came by at lunchtime, and we eventually made it up to Berkeley. We sat in Anna's and worked -- not as much as we'd hoped, but enough to get some concrete stuff accomplished. Then we went over to Karen and Par's, where Par and I cooked Sri Lankan (he is an excellent assistant in the kitchen -- quick, competent, meek and obedient :-) and Karen and Jed talked about MUD's and VRML and such stuff. Then a long and leisurely dinner with candlelight and flowers and a little wine and much conversation. I need to do that sort of thing periodically; it reminds me that I am a civilized being, or can at least wear the trappings convincingly. Even when eating noodles and curry with my fingers :-).

Shmuel’s birthday was…

Shmuel's birthday was yesterday! Meep! Happy belated birthday, Shmuel!

I meant to eat something healthy for breakfast. Really I did. I made a yummy chicken curry last night; I could have had some of that with rice or bread, and while it might seem strange to Americans, it would have been yummy and reasonably good for me. I also considered a scrambled egg and toast; again, not too bad. But what did I see when I opened the door to get milk for my tea? A tupperware container labelled "Free for All". I knew I shouldn't open it. I did. But what did I do?

I opened it. (You probably guessed that part). And therein I discovered several slices of pizza. And not just any pizza. Sausage pizza. Which I never order, because I don't like it hot and greasy. But cold. Ah. The very essence of cold pizza for breakfast may be sausage pizza. Broccoli and mushroom pizza just isn't the same. Too healthy. Not decadent enough. Cold sausage pizza, probably with extra cheese. It was too much for a poor, overworked, stressed-out, broken-down girl to resist...

(Karen: I've decided guilt isn't cheating on your boyfriend or disobeying your mother. Guilt is eating a slice of cold sausage pizza right after you've done your sit-ups. Trust me.)

I talked to the community college in Salt Lake City yesterday. They're interested. They're sending me an application. They might have a class for me starting in mid-June. Maybe more than one. Now I'm thinking about how much adjuncts get paid (average of $2000 a class, I think -- no health benefits, etc.), and whether I can really get by on that. Will I be able to find supplemental work in Salt Lake? Am I nuts to go out there for a summer?

I'll be hopefully talking to the English department at University of Utah today. We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!

Now I will furtively finish my pizza, and send out the CS newsletter (if I decide that it officially goes out 'before the next issue goes up', does that mean I won't be late with it anymore?) and go to work. I'm really enjoying the new tech writing gig, btw. For a day job, it ain't half bad. Respect of my boss, relaxed environment, privacy to do my work. Hmm...

1:00 p.m. Lunch break.

I wanted to log back in this morning and tell you about my garden, but I had to rush for the bus, so there wasn't time. The garden is starting to look really splendid. Ellie bought lots of flowers for the upper bed, and the foxglove are especially nice. White and lavendar and lilac, tall stems with the wide bells hanging off them, looking so sweet and innocent as they wave in the breeze and you'd never guess that they were used for poison. Foxglove is another name for digitalis, staple of murder mysteries; it is, of course, also the source of digitalin, potent heart medicine. It all depends on how you use it -- we mostly use it for looking real purty-like.

She's scattered all sorts of other flowers there, that I don't know the names of. Some others have survived from last year, including the alyssum (a small white groundcover), and some California poppies that just started blooming a few days ago (gloriously golden), and the Sweet William. That last is a variety of pink, actually -- there are many different kinds of pinks, and most of them are pink, but this one is red, a deep red blossom with small white splashes. I love the Sweet William, and had planned to plant more, but haven't been able to find them. Do you know the old song about Sweet William? I don't know if the flower took its name from the song, though I wouldn't be surprised. It's called "Barbara Allen"...

In Scarlet Town where I was born
There was a fair maid dwelling
Made many a youth cry well a day
Her name was Barbara Allen

It was in the merry month of May
When green buds they were swelling
Sweet William came from the west country
And he courted Barbara Allen

He sent his servant unto her
To the place where she was dwelling
Said my master's sick, bids me call for you
If your name be Barbara Allen

Well, slowly, slowly got she up
And slowly went she nigh him
But all she said as she passed his bed
Young man I think you're dying

Then lightly tripped she down the stairs
She heard those church bells tolling
And each bell seemed to say as it tolled
Hard hearted Barbara Allen

O, mother, mother go make my bed
And make it long and narrow
Sweet William died for me today
I'll die for him tomorrow

They buried Barbara in the old church yard
They buried Sweet William beside her
Out of his grave grew a red, red rose
And out of hers a briar

They grew and grew up the old church wall
Till they could grow no higher
And at the top twined a lover's knot
The red rose and the briar

Our roses are truly resplendent these days; they hang heavy from the climbing vine, and if we don't soon get a new trellis for them, they'll be dragging along the ground. For Mothers' Day I made up a posy of roses and took them to Lydia; her girls are far away right now. We have four different kinds of roses at our house -- the dark red ones which are most beautiful, but have no scent; the small orangey tea roses which grow on little bushes under the kitchen window; the heavy red ones tinged with violet which droop over the overgrown driveway (and perhaps those really belong to our neighbors, but they don't mind us picking them now and then), and the tiny pink ones, which grow at the far back of the garden, almost overwhelmed by the hedge and not very pretty as roses go...but they have the sweetest scent by far.

There are lilacs on our windowsill. El brought them from Ian's mother's house; hanging heavy and full from a tall cylinder of glass, they remind me of my parents' home. Outside my window growing up were two trees -- one a large and spreading oak whose branches tapped against my window (though none of those were strong enough to risk climbing out on, sadly), and the other a spreading lilac bush. In the spring I'd open my window wide and sit on the sill with my legs hanging out, half-hidden behind the oak branches, drowning in the scent of lilacs. They're Kirsten's favorite flower, and if you drive with her in spring, don't be surprised if she stops the car by the side of the road to gather huge heaping armfuls of lilacs.

I have fallen in love with my garden. The flowers are mostly Ellie's domain, though I am very protective of the small bougainvillea planted under the kitchen window, beside the tea roses. I hope that it will grow, so that when you stand in the kitchen washing dishes, you see not just the brilliant yellow and deep green framed in the window (the kitchen windows are edged in blue), but also the crimson leaves of the bougainvillea on one side, ruffling in the wind. The houses in Sri Lanka are covered in bougainvillea -- and not just one color either! Crimson and pink and white and purple and gold and orange and a simple deep red. I don't often wish to live in Sri Lanka, but if I did, I'd live up in the hill country, in a house with walls of bougainvillea.

The best part of the garden is the herbs, I think. The poor herb bed is growing crowded. I can almost name them all from memory. From right to left: Marjoram (a tiny sprig from Arthur's garden), rosemary (growing tall), corn mache (a salad green that doesn't really belong with the herbs but which I haven't had the heart to move, since it seems so happy there), purple sage, potted peppermint, spreading oregano, enormous parsley, a fragile bit of English thyme, two regular basil plants and one opal basil (with rich purple leaves), stevia (three times as sweet as sugar, according to the pamphlet at the nursery, and safe for diabetics), a space that still waits for the Thai basil I am hunting for, Vietnamese coriander (amazing scent and unusual pale yellow-green leaves, quite beautiful and healthy), dill, and regular coriander (also known as cilantro).

I know I am forgetting one or two. There's rue up on the windowsill in a little pot, and valerian (which makes a sleepy tea, I hear) and borage (good for salad, I think?) in the little plot by the tomatoes. Oh, and lavender, grey-green with the little purple flowers just appearing. The thyme garden is also doing well, and Ellie has added reiter's thyme to the medley -- I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to figure out why she chose that one...

I'll leave the vegetables for another day, hopefully a happier one -- right now, they are getting sadly munched, I suspect by snails. I baited the garden this morning. I'm not sure what to do about the yellowed, wilting lettuce, though... At least the tomatoes seem content, and have gotten a little taller since I planted them, I think. In a few weeks, if they survive, some salad greens will be ready for plucking.

How did I manage for so many years without even a little bit of garden? Some mint and basil on a windowsill? What was I thinking?

Mother’s…

Mother's Day

Hmm...didn't realize it had been so many days since I'd done an entry. Lost track of time.

Nothing too exciting to report; the last few days have been fairly steady work, some reading, some revising (I hope to finish a third draft of "Bodies in Motion" today so I can send it to SFY...we'll see). I did end up working with Karen yesterday, which was nice, and then we had sushi for dinner and then I went back to the cafe and worked 'til after 10. I felt so virtuous. :-)

Today, mostly puttering. Cleaning my room, laundry, cooking, gardening -- you know how it goes. Lazy Sunday. Tonight a housewarming party at Carol and Jodi's -- they've moved to Los Gatos, which oddly enough is where Kev's family is. Or maybe it isn't that odd. I dunno.

Hm. Wish I had something more exciting to tell you...on the other hand, I'm sort of glad my life isn't as exciting (read: traumatic) as it was a week ago. Nice boring calm, that's for me.

Hey, so I’m back to…

Hey, so I'm back to writing journal entries at work. I wonder if the character of these entries really changes significantly if I do them in the early morning, or at work, or late at night. How about journal entries in general? Someone should do a study.

I'm starting to get excited about WisCon. WisCon is the feminist science fiction convention, and a pretty big deal. I'm going to be flying out to be a panelist, etc. there, and we're doing a joint party with Clean Sheets/Circlet Press. Plans have started up for various events at the Con (the open party will be Saturday night), and it's both exciting and a bit intimidating.

I'm supposed to be a representative 'person of color', and I'm never quite sure that I qualify. I certainly haven't suffered nearly as much discrimination as many colored folks; South Asians are still considered the 'model minority' and treated as such. I definitely feel under-read in the field (and in the field of feminist sf too, for that matter); I'm going to try to get a reading list in the next few days and hopefully I'll have time to bone up before I go.

I did read and enjoy Maureen McHugh's _The Mission Child_, as I think I mentioned here. I've reserved a copy of Nicola Griffith's _The Blue Place_ at my local library, which I need to go pick up. Still have the latest Suzy McKee Charnas and Barbara Kingsolver and Octavia Butler to find. Once I get through those, I'll feel in better shape about the recent feminist stuff.

Thanks to those of you who wrote in quickly to tell me they liked "Lakshmi's Diary". Your mail was very kind and I appreciated it 'cause I'm a big goober about new stories. There are definitely things to be worked on -- David pointed out that the voice should really age a lot more, which I knew but hadn't figure out quite how to do yet. And there are some underlayers that I need to bring out more. And I'm still not sure that it stays suspenseful enough...there's a slow-ish bit in the middle that worries me. But overall, I think it's a keeper. I should probably keep working on "Bodies in Motion" before I start revising "Lakshmi's Diary", though.

Day job is still going fine. The week is starting to fill up otherwise, though. I managed to get that CS review done, though very late, and I'm still not sure if Brian had time to put it up before he went out of town. If not, I'll probably try to do it tonight (and hopefully not mess up his beautiful new formatting too much). But I do still have eHow stuff to do -- I had hoped to finish it last night, but I ended up talking to Roshani and David for quite a while instead (mostly Roshani). Good conversations -- I needed to do it, I think -- but I'm definitely behind now. Really, I have been for a while. Partly there have been various computer glitches, but mostly it's just been me having a hard time motivating.

Tonight, dinner with Jed. Tomorrow, dinner with David (and probably some work). Friday, Ian's having some friends over for gaming, and I may hang out with them for a while. Saturday brunch with the roommates; we're going to sit down and discuss house security issues. Ick. Will probably work Saturday afternoon and read in the evening. Might go up to Berkeley to work if Karen's available (and wants to actually work instead of helping me gossip and chatter :-). May head down to the South Bay Saturday night -- there's a late afternoon party there Sunday. May head down Sunday, which would probably be more efficient, in which case I might stay down there afterwards and then come directly to work Monday. I know y'all don't really care about all this, but it helps me put my thoughts in order to type them out.

Sometime this weekend, I should devote 3-4 hrs to Clean Sheets stuff. Put out calls for new editors 'cause we lost a couple to bad luck. Talk to Jane about merger. Look into incorporating, dang it. Find out how much it would cost to do up CS products (I think we'd make a profit, but it makes me nervous sinking money into things) for a fund drive. Do the newsletter. Write encouraging notes to people. Answer backlogged e-mail.

Classes. Mustn't forget classes entirely.

Okay, I'm going to go be overwhelmed again now. Funny how I start these journals light-hearted and cheerful and by the time I get to the end of my to-do list, I'm overwhelmed. Maybe I should stop making to-do lists.

I'm still pretty darn happy today, though. Maybe it's the weather. Or the yummy fresh mozzarella and sun-dried tomato and pesto and lettuce sandwich I just ate (from Pasqua). Or maybe it's that I took half an hour and read from _The Wind in the Willows_ on my lunch break. What a marvelous book...I've never really read it before. I must have read some very small child version when I was a very small child and *thought* I'd read it. But I certainly haven't read all this before.