Ever since The Arrangement got stalled at HarperCollins, that's what I've been feeling. It's what kept me from writing for a good year afterwards, and even once I started writing again, I feel like I have to just keep overcoming that fear, over and over. It's worst when there's a break in my writing -- when life gets busy with teaching or travel or Kavi and I can't write for a few days, or a few weeks. The longer the break, the harder it is to start again.
And now it's been almost two weeks since I last wrote, and even though I think that I only have relatively minor revisions to implement for Arbitrary Passions, I'm scared to touch it. And even though I've finally figured out what's wrong with my YA protagonist, and know that it's just going to take a bunch of hard labor to drive through the rewrite, I'm scared to get started. It's a lot easier to just keep cleaning up the house, organizing my foundations, focusing on my teaching, and avoiding trying to write. If I don't try to write, I can't mess it up.
Damn. Isn't this job supposed to get easier, instead of harder?
In the morning. I'm going to write. No excuses.