Usually I try to keep my posts on some coherent topic, something where I have something to say. I even try to craft it a little, put in a bit of fancy writing, a touch of insight. But I've got nothing here. This is not original, this is just a pathetic whimper from the mother of a four-month-old who has not let her get a full night's sleep in weeks! I am losing it, people.
Kevin is back to work now, working late and working early and even though he deals with the baby for me every few nights, mostly it's me and what was I saying? I can't even put a damn sentence together because she's squawking again. Again and again. She just won't stop. Sometimes she screams for no reason, which I swear resonates on a frequency that something evil has designed to perfectly pierce through my brain. Mostly it's just little annoying squawks that will not stop, not with the swing, not with the bouncy chair, not with the binky, no, only if she is upright and in my arms and being carried and I had better not dare sit down even if I keep her upright because somehow she knows that I am sitting down. She knows and she will not allow it.
Her name, Kaviarasi, means 'Queen of Poetry' and we thought that was a lovely name when we named her, but clearly we were idiots naming a baby queen of anything, because she knows that she is in charge here and does not hesitate to demand constant attention and service. And the demands just keep coming and coming and coming.
I know some of you think new parents are funny (my mother does), but we are not funny. We have taken to calling her the demon monkey and our threats to throw her out the window are getting more and more frequent and our voices are getting more frayed and we're snapping at each other and it is a very good thing that we are both here to keep each other gentle with her because I can understand now how Shaken Baby Syndrome happens, I can. And that's an awful thing to say, but I am just so damn tired. And I want her to shut up.
And please, don't tell me it gets better. I've been hearing that for four months, and it's not getting better fast enough. I need something to make it better right now.