I’m feeling a need to do…

I'm feeling a need to do an end of the year summary. It's been a very good year, overall, I think. Hard for it not to be, with getting an agent, selling two books to HC, finishing the Ph.D., and getting this professor gig at Vermont College. My love life has been stable too, with general happiness and warm fuzzies with Jed and with Kevin. And my family and I are mostly getting along better than ever, though I have some apprehension about how they'll react when BiM actually comes out this July and their friends read it. The SLF is going strong, DesiLit is growing (we just added a monthly book club), and SH appears to be doing fine without me. I'm no longer facing terrifying credit card debt, and I'm on track to pay off my student loans this August, I think. I finished the copyedits on BiM, and the first draft of TA. Essentially, everything in my life improved last year, sometimes dramatically.

I have a zillion projects I want to do. At last count, I think there were five books I had active plans to write:

  • TA -- the novel in progress, a threesome story
  • a linked novel exploring freedom fighters / terrorists
  • that YA book I started a while back
  • a travelogue/essay sort of book about returning to Sri Lanka
  • a memoir focused on sexuality (and possibly violence)
This is exciting. It's also terrifying, and strange. I've never been the sort of person with a lot of ideas for books. It makes me feel anxious, having all of these potentially in play. I sort of wish I could just forget about four of them for now, but that doesn't seem to work very well.

In general, I'm much more anxious now (despite also being overall much happier, I think), than I was a year ago. I'm not sure whether that's biochemical or circumstantial. The academic job interview process has been exhausting, the most tiring thing I've ever done, and wearing on the spirit as well as the body. And while my work is very satisfying, and it's been thrilling getting as much recognition as it's gotten recently, I also find myself fretting all the time about ridiculous things like author photos and forthcoming reviews. I'm clearly at a stage where I'm potentially jumping up a few rungs in the career ladder, and that's good, I know, but it's remarkably anxiety-producing.

Through it all, I have to say that I don't know how I would have managed without Kevin. Everyone has been wonderful, of course -- Jed and David and Karina and all. I've leaned on a lot of people. But day to day, Kevin has come in for a tremendous amount of my stressing out, and has provided strong arms to hold me, a solid chest to lean on, and many cups of tea. Though mostly, I have been supported by the constancy of his love, and the stability of his spirit. I think our society places a lot of value on passion and fiery intensity. I think we don't spend enough time appreciating calmness, rationality, warmth, and quiet humor. He's keeping me sane, and productive, and moderately centered.

So that's my New Year's resolution, I suppose. To keep appreciating Kevin, and to listen to him when he tells me to just calm down already. :-)

One thought on “I’m feeling a need to do…”

  1. A good primary is invaluable. Mine has been pretty great recently. I should tell him more how much I appreciate him helping to center and ground me.

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