Hey, munchkins. So,…

Hey, munchkins. So, today I'm nervous. It's the first day of orientation before the new semester starts (but it doesn't start until 2:15, so I have plenty of time to fret beforehand). If I think about everything coming up in the next few months, I have a mild tendency to panic. Here's the list of major things:

  • Start a Ph.D. (8/14)
  • Put together the CS book proposal (8/15)
  • Finish writing that novella (8/18)
  • Start autumn teaching (8/21)
  • Launch Strange Horizons (9/1)
  • Start online erotica class (mid-October)
See, it's a short list. What's to be scared of? (Short, but terrifying...)

I spent a while throwing anxieties at Kevin last night. I'm not going to be a good enough academic. I'm not a good enough writer. I'm not going to have enough time to do Strange Horizons properly. I'm going to neglect Clean Sheets. I'm going to neglect my students. I'm going to try to do everything really well, go into a panic and burn out completely by December. Aaaaiiiggghhhh....

Heh. I didn't actually get upset; I just thought about all the things I could get upset about. Poor boy.

He did help me figure out what's wrong with "Pieces of the Heart" (aside from the title, which I think has to go). The surprise at the end really shouldn't be a surprise -- it feels like a cheat. So I need to ditch the foreboding beginning and the surprise end, move them into the middle, do that section properly in scene, and then re-write my ending. I think I sort of knew that; I was just a lazy bugger about writing it. Laziness will be my doom.

I sort of want to go downtown, sit in Borders and write. But what I ought to do is return old videos, buy some groceries so I'm not just living on cold pizza, send out checks and contracts (I'm sending the first ones for Strange Horizons! Woohoo!), do laundry so I have something to wear to orientation, etc. Maybe I'll just put on the headphones and pretend I'm at Borders for a few hours. It's not like I need to write a whole story; I just need to re-write a section. (And then maybe come up with a new section, but I can worry about that later).

Btw, I did feel a chunk of vague anxiety as the plane was landing in Salt Lake, and the homogeneity of the people in the airport did creep me out a little...but I'm glad to be home. Have I mentioned that I love my apartment? I absolutely love my apartment.

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