So yesterday I arrived…

So yesterday I arrived around 1, and Kevin picked me up and brought me home, and I accomplished hardly anything after that. And y'know something? I didn't fret about it. That's an accomplishment for me right there...in the last couple of years I've gotten more and more into workhorse mode, so that I feel guilty if I spend two hours at night watching a movie. It's easy for my play to be productive; I enjoy a lot of my work, and I enjoy talking to my friends about our mutual writing work, and I learn stuff there...and so I prioritize that kind of play, and I forget that sometimes I just need to play. To play with stuff that isn't productive in any way at all. I spent three hours a few weeks ago with my friend Margot's daughter, who is 1.5 years old, and we just played. At first I was impatient; I wanted to do something constructive with her, like reading, but she just didn't have the attention span for that. We spent something like 20 minutes at one point putting our heads down (Sleeptime!) and picking them up again (Wake up!). Over and over and over. She giggled a lot. It was good for me. I should do that sort of thing more.

So yeesterday I wasn't feeling well and Kevin wasn't feeling well and so we both allowed ourselves to do what we rarely do -- just relax. I did a few puttery things at home and then we went to his place. We did make up a list of his furniture to sell, but in a very relaxed way. We ordered Chinese food. And then we just cuddled on the couch and watched tv, starting with the Food Network, moving through Dilbert and Two Guys and a Girl and Dharma and Greg to Star Trek. And then we went to bed. It was good.

I'm feeling very protective of my time with him too, so if I'm a bit absent in the few days he'll still be around, please understand. He leaves Friday for a conference in Israel, and won't be back 'til the 25th of June. He's driving out to Chicago around July 1st, and at least some of the time that week we'll be devoting to packing and cleaning his place. (If you live in Salt Lake and need furniture, drop me a line -- we're selling it). I'm going to concentrate on trying to be in a reasonably good mood -- packing and such can get stressful, and I really don't want to waste that little bit of time with me being in a bad head. And if you notice me getting irrational, please call me on it. I have a really bad tendency to take any excuse to convince myself that he doesn't really love me, which after eight years is just truly stupid bullshit. This job at UChicago will be good for his career, and I want him to do it. I'm proud of him for getting it. The long-distance will be a bitch, but we can handle it. As long as I don't talk myself into something dumb, like believing the guy who's put up with me and all my worst nuttiness for this long doesn't really care about me at all. Sheesh. My subconscious can be such a dork sometimes.

Today I taught design, which is lots of fun, and something that could easily take weeks instead of one class period -- on the other hand, I only know about one period's worth of stuff about design, so I'd have to learn a lot more to teach it properly. :-) So it's just as well. Made signs for Kev's furniture and put them up, dealt with a residency application form for grad school, came home, ate lunch, went shopping with Kev. Got a fan (my apartment gets pretty warm) and some coconut milk (making Thai curry for dinner) and a book (replacement copy of The Return of the King) and a few light shirts. He got summer clothes for Israel. Then he dropped me and my stuff off (around 2) and I went to sleep for three hours. I don't feel guilty about that either -- I'm feeling less immediately ill, but I'm still not well. My body is exhausted.

Tonight I'm catching up on a little e-mail, making dinner, and then puttering around the house. I might watch a movie. If I do, I plan to enjoy it and not feel guilty. :-) I'll try to go to bed early. Tomorrow I'll start working normally again. Relaxation is all well and good, but I have two magazines to run, a book to write, classes to teach, driving lessons to take...:-)

Aw, who am I fooling? Tomorrow I'll take my laptop to Kevin's and work a bit in between helping him with laundry and general clean-up. We'll probably cuddle a lot. It'll be good.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *