There’s all sorts of…

There's all sorts of good stuff going on; teaching and classes and anthology contracts and Clean Sheets excitement. But I don't feel up to talking about it right now.

I'm sorry it's been a while. I know some of you have been worried, but I'm okay. Roshani and Tom's visit went smoothly; we cooked, we ate, we went hiking in Little Cottonwood Canyon (which was very beautiful), we cooked some more...I like cooking with her, and it was nice getting to know Tom a little better.

It was a little difficult being around a happy couple. The main reason I haven't written here in the last week is that I've been feeling sorry for myself, and I haven't seen a reason to wallow in it publically. I still don't really see a reason, but I'm feeling guilty about not updating, so...

Kev actually rallied around and was very supportive while they were here, which made me feel a bit less like a lonely single person. But once they left, it quickly became obvious again that we can't pretend everything is okay between us, much as we'd like to.

I asked him if we could take a break from each other for a week; mostly just to see if I had the self-discipline to do it, I suspect. And to see if it helps me stay calmer. I have a feeling I'll probably cry less, but mope more. It's only rained for a few hours today, but the whole day has felt gray. It feels stupid to miss him when he's just a few blocks away, and I could have him come over if I just lifted the phone and called. I'm feeling awfully confused these days; dunno what's the right thing to do.

He agreed to the break, though he wasn't happy about it. And I just remembered -- his birthday is Wednesday. How can I leave him alone on his birthday?

I'm going to go bang my head against a wall now.

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