I’m better…

I'm better today.

This is unsurprising, since I slept nine and a half hours last night. I'm planning on getting nine hours tonight too, and then I'll back up to speed, I think. Thanks for the kind notes of encouragement; they help.

I was actually already feeling better by the time I got home yesterday. It was still barely light out -- it's so nice not arriving home when it's pitch dark -- and the air was so balmy and warm. It was beautiful in Salt Lake while I was there; clear and crisp and not too cold, but it was nice to get home to warmer weather.

I really did have a nice weekend there. That got a little lost in how tired I was yesterday, but I don't want to just skip over the weekend. There were so many good moments:

  • sitting at Border's Sunday with Karina, playing Scrabble while Kevin proofed galley copies of a math paper that he'll be publishing soon; I had a big head start at the beginning of the game, with a strategic Z placement, but she fought gamely on; the woman is persistent.
  • a really lovely dinner at a restaurant called Oasis on Saturday evening -- I'm trying to eat vegetarian when she's around, because it's more interesting for her to be able to try extra different dishes; that's a lot easier when we're eating fancy gourmet meals. Her seitan-based dish could have easily passed for a meat dish -- very interesting. And Kevin's layered spiced potatoes and grilled vegetables was amazingly good.
  • sightseeing with Karina on Monday; we went to the Beehive House, where Brigham Young lived. It's not very impressive from the outside, but the inside is just lush and gorgeous; like a little piece of European-style culture somehow integrated into the West. The architect was really clever -- there's a part where two staircases intersect at a long, thin window which was designed to let the children watch the fancy-dressed grown-ups at parties; they called it the Fairy Castle, and it's enchanting. He apparently also designed the temple, so I may do a tour some day of the inside. The outside is very lovely.
  • watching the temple and meeting house in the falling snow with Karina from Border's earlier on Sunday. I was working on tech writing and programming homework; Kevin would help when I got befuddled by the O'Reilly. The snow started about an hour after we arrived, and it was so very beautiful, swirling fiercely around the grey stone and the people in their long black coats; one of the things I really love about Karina is how much she appreciates that sort of thing -- like a child, in the best way. We took photos, but I'm not sure if they'll come out through the glass. I'll put a few up if they do.
  • Karina buying me a silk spray of yellow orchids. Do you know those, the tiny yellow flowers with the brown speckling? They're my favorite orchids, and I almost missed them in the craft store (where we were surrounded by so many exuberant flowers that it almost felt like spring). I'm not usually very fond of silk flowers, but they do have their place in winter, and it was nice knowing that I could leave them at Kev's and they'd still be there looking lovely when I came back. Kevin can barely manage to keep a fern alive; fresh flowers would be far beyond him.
  • just talking with them both...the sort of long conversations that we started having six years ago, and that we've had all too rarely in recent years. I wish we had more time before she has to go home...
I didn't get much work done, and that fretted me some, but really, it was such a nice weekend, I shouldn't worry about it.

Exciting new news: my CS review copy of _Herotica 6_ arrived last night. I happen to have a story in it, "Season of Marriage", which has been one of the reader favorites (an arranged marriage first night tale). It had a funny note from the editor attached: "Here's a conflict of interest for you. Author copies arriving shortly." :-)

I'm planning on reviewing it for CS next week; I figure I'll just note the conflict of interest and let the readers deal with it. Doesn't seem like something to worry about. And that way I get a chance to make some comments about the Herotica series overall; I think they're really solid, and it'll be fun to plug them.

It's really a lovely book; I think this blue cover is my favorite of the Herotica covers, and my story appears second, which is a reasonably prime spot (first is obviously best, and last is pretty good too). It's nice to be early in the book, since there's a better chance that reviewers will actually read your story and possibly mention it in their reviews.

I don't have book reviews scheduled for second and third weeks of March yet -- anyone want to volunteer? We usually run about a 1000 words, and it could be about any sex-related book of your choice. A novel would be nice, or an art book, since I'll be doing an anthology. Nonfiction would also be good -- Jed sent me a NYT review of a vibrator history/medicine book that looked interesting, but I've misplaced the title.

Other interesting news is that I'm going to be applying to read for Passion Press (Heather might too). They do erotic audiobooks, and while they don't pay much, it would be a fun gig, I think. I enjoy reading out loud, and it's much less nerve-wracking if it isn't your own stuff.

Clean Sheets is going up a little late; I was just too wiped to do it last night. And though I set my alarm to get up at 5:00 this morning, so I could put at least some of it up, I reset it for 6:30 when I realized I was still tired at 5. Hopefully the readers will forgive me putting it up a little late; we've got some good stuff this week -- new story, poem, column from Zaftig and an artist. Maybe even a website review from Jane if she can get it to me in time. And there's some very exciting other stuff going on with the magazine -- we hope to be starting weekly chats in a week or so, once we make sure all the technology is working, so maybe some of you will stop by? (Columbine, you should definitely come by, so you can let us know if you think we're managing decent real-time conversation. :-)

There's also another very exciting new development at Clean Sheets, but I can't talk about it yet. Stay tuned. In another week or so, we should have definite news. It might mean some money. :-) :-) :-)

So, plan for tonight: go home, do Clean Sheets, go to bed early again. I had thought about having dinner with Jed, but not sure there's time. Will have to talk to him. Was thinking about going to hear George R.R. Martin read at Dark Carnival tomorrow with people from one of my writing groups (coincidentally, I just started his new high fantasy trilogy yesterday, before I heard about this reading), but it's at six, and I'm not sure I can get there in time from work. We'll see.

Things are looking up...

***

Later:

It's hard being honest in here.

I mean, I don't particularly want to be really explicit. If you want explicit, you can either read my fiction, or other people's journals. I don't see a need to give you the details of every friendly fling or chart out the intricate pattern that my love life has become. That's the sort of thing that's fun to do at home with lovers, connecting the dots, but is just asking for more phone calls from my mother if I put it on the net. (No, she doesn't read this journal. I don't think she's ever been on the web. But she has friends).

But neither does it feel right to completely avoid the subject. Which is why I told y'all a little while ago that yes, I was definitely going out with Kevin, and that I had been dating David but we'd broken up. Breaking up with David was a big enough event in my life that I didn't want to just skip over it, even if I didn't go into great detail. We'd been involved for two years, (with a year-long hiatus halfway through), which is way too long to consider casual.

And now I've been dancing around the subject of Karina. Thinking 'well, we're not really going out anymore', and so thinking it makes more sense not to go into detail about it. But it's more complicated than that.

She's still involved with Kevin, for starters. That's certainly an important detail, and if I don't mention it, y'all will get a pretty skewed picture of Kevin and I. People occasionally get all indignant on Kevin's behalf, picturing him as the faithful husband-type, pining away at home while I go gallivanting about. Not hardly.

Karina's important to me. And even if we're not really going out anymore, neither are we just friends. The intricacies of her relationship with Kev, mine with her, Kevin's with mine, and the way the three of us interact -- well, that experience is certainly one of the most fascinating and formative in my life. We've had years of being seriously involved, of her flying out from Australia and living with us for three months each year, during her summer break. Good times and bad times. Lots of learning all around. Things were pretty difficult for us all last year, but they appear to be turning around, and I can't tell you how happy that makes me.

Anyway. I'm not sure what the point of all this was, except that I felt like I was hiding the poly aspects of my life and the bi aspects, claiming the label but carefully skimming over the specifics that are the heart of it. Which felt as if I was disrespecting (I don't know if that's really an English word, but I think it's useful) Karina and her place in my life. And I've done that in the past, because it was easier, and it's not fair to her. I'm not going to do it anymore.

(Note: Karina's got a long-term partner of her own in Australia, Joe, but if I start going into all the details of their situation, then I really will need a big chart. It gets complicated. Trust me. But Joe's a very nice guy, and I'm glad she has him.)

Okay. Whew. Probably too much information, but I feel better.

***

Even later:

Wrote a short story! Yippee! It's called "Tell Me", and it's on its way out to the readers list. Now I really *gotta* go do CS...

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