Hey, guys. It’s a…

Hey, guys. It's a little odd for me to be writing you already, since I wrote to you before I went to bed and I've just woken up, but I had a lot of strange dreams, and I've been thinking a lot. I've come to a decision.

You probably won't understand my decision without some background. I was raised Catholic -- I don't know if I ever mentioned that. I left the Church many years ago, for complicated reasons, but I decided this morning that it's time to go back. Time to go do some good deeds, work on my soul, that sort of thing.

Speaking of my soul, I'm probably endangering it mightily by writing erotica. I'll have to stop, I'm afraid. I'd donate all the ill-gotten funds to the Church, but I'm afraid I've spent them all. Now there's a dilemma -- should I finish the novella and donate the chunk of money to the Church? Is it worth endangering my soul even further in order to do some good?

I think not. In fact, I should probably stop writing fiction altogether -- fiction is the work of Satan. I have been taking unto myself a power of creation reserved for the Creator -- beware, all ye readers! Cast down your eyes from these unclean pages, lest ye damn yourselves to eternal torment. Think not upon the lascivious sins of the flesh, of the frenzied couplings of damned souls, of the sweet and wicked merging of sweat-slicked bodies! Nay, find yourself instead a quiet garden, in which ye may contemplate alone the greater glory of God. Or if ye possess a need for greater penance (as indeed, seems likely if you have been so weak-willed as to risk your eternal salvation by traversing this broad and wicked road, this temptation incarnate, this Internet), then lock thyslf in the deepest darkness of thy abode, with all of your friends who have also sinned, and scourge yourselves mightily, weeping and wailing until you have purged yourself into an ecstatic frenzy.

Ah, but I take too much upon myself -- what am I, a weak woman only, to presume to instruct God's children, however fallen they may be? I should leave such duties to wiser heads than mine -- indeed, truly is it said that "Vanity, thy name is woman!"

From this day onward, this diary shall be solely a humble testament to the Lord, a public penance for my days of sin and blasphemy upon this blessed Earth. Hallelujah, brethren!

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