Shapes of grief. The…

Shapes of grief. The small fluttering
Of a heart worn thin with worry and the
Raising of three small children. The
Race of sweating doctors, failing in an
Old, cold silence. Her husband huddles,
Weeping. Her mother cooks and cleans and
Fears to pause a moment, lest the
Ugly truth should slap her, and the poor
Little children are still laughing, unknowing.

One of my co-workers, Martha, lost her daughter today. 'lost.' What an impossible, utterly inadequate euphemism. It conveys some things while ignoring others. The lost can generally be found. But Martha's daughter died, five months pregnant, of a weak heart that just gave out. And what makes it terribly worse, is that she signed herself out of the hospital and went home, ignoring every warning from the doctors that her heart was racing dangerously. Nobody knows why she left. Maybe if she had stayed they could have saved her -- maybe not. But at least we/they could have said -- we did all we could. Everyone here is angry and frustrated and on the verge of tears. Most of us didn't even know her. But doctors don't seem to deal with death very well -- they take it too personally, and when you work with them, you tend to pick that attitude up, even when you know, rationally, that there was absolutely nothing you could have done.

Hell.

Other than that, life is just grand. And I did go to the gym yesterday, and thoroughly enjoyed both my Cardio Street Funk dance class and my introduction to Tai Chi. My calf muscles protest loudly, but I'll be back. Score one for life, I suppose.

Hmm...just called to try to sign up for the gym so I can keep going. Turns out that in addition to the $20/month fee, there's a $90 joining fee. Pretty standard, I know, but I hadn't realized it. So now I'm waffling between the gym and the dance studio, which costs $90 for two months, and I'd like the classes better (though I'd miss the Tai Chi). Ugh. Guess I'll just try to figure out which one fits into my schedule better and then flip a coin.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *